Love is Deadly
and
Death is Lovely

Kohana Mehl-McKee

Short

Stories

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Curiosity Killed the Cat

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single slip, one tiny accident, can ruin everything. 
My father was too curious for his own good. It was why he was a historian. He always wanted to know more, more, more about the past and never seemed truly satisfied. It used to sadden me, how he’d choose dusty books over quality time with the family, but like most humans do, I adapted. He was curious; I was quiet. I learned to be content with sitting in the corner and drawing while my father sat in his corner and read. It became our quality time together while my mother would walk around the park and meet up with friends.
That was exactly the sort of quality time we were having when my father’s curiosity expanded. 
The knock on the front door echoed through our quiet house. Knock, knock, knock. Now, when I’m all alone, I can still swear I hear that knock echoing through my head. 
My father didn’t even look up from the book in his hand, a biography about Mark Twain. Stifling a sigh, I put my drawing pencil down and walked through the living room. I opened the front door, a greeting on my lips that fell away when I saw Caleb's ashen expression
Caleb was one of my fathers few close friends. They’d spent a majority of my life working together to try and find a way to transport people to the past. The sceptic I was, I didn’t quite believe that time travel could exist. Both my father and Caleb were confident that they could one day figure it out, though, so I quietly stuck by them. I have very fond memories of when I was young and would sit in the lab and draw as they fiddled with wires and things my child brain couldn’t understand. 
“William,” Caleb blurted once he saw my father sitting on the couch, awe clear in his voice. My father lazily dragged his gaze to Caleb who was now standing in the middle of the living room. That lazy gaze was quick to turn to surprise.
“Caleb? What are you doing here?” 
“I found it. I found it.” 
“Found wha-” my father started, then trailed off. A sour look crossed his face. “That’s not funny, and you know it,” he snapped. Caleb ran a hand through his hair and shook his head so hard that I was sure it would fall off. 
“No. No, this isn’t some petty joke. I found it. All it took was a little chemical imbalance change.” My father still had a disbelieving look on his face, so Caleb continued explaining. “I sent a fruit through first. An apple, just an apple. Poof, it was gone. I pressed the button, and poof, it was back. Then I went through myself. See, at that moment, I didn’t care if I would’ve died or been injured. I had to know. I had to. Looking back, I can now see that I was too hasty, but I went, William. I was there. China, 1963. I was there. You have to believe me. You have to.” All the color had seeped out of my father’s face as he listened to Caleb. Annoyed, I crossed my arms. Was Caleb really trying to say that he’d invented time travel 

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single slip, one tiny accident, can ruin everything. 
My father was too curious for his own good. It was why he was a historian. He always wanted to know more, more, more about the past and never seemed truly satisfied. It used to sadden me, how he’d choose dusty books over quality time with the family, but like most humans do, I adapted. He was curious; I was quiet. I learned to be content with sitting in the corner and drawing while my father sat in his corner and read. It became our quality time together while my mother would walk around the park and meet up with friends.
That was exactly the sort of quality time we were having when my father’s curiosity expanded. 
The knock on the front door echoed through our quiet house. Knock, knock, knock. Now, when I’m all alone, I can still swear I hear that knock echoing through my head. 
My father didn’t even look up from the book in his hand, a biography about Mark Twain. Stifling a sigh, I put my drawing pencil down and walked through the living room. I opened the front door, a greeting on my lips that fell away when I saw Caleb's ashen expression
Caleb was one of my fathers few close friends. They’d spent a majority of my life working together to try and find a way to transport people to the past. The sceptic I was, I didn’t quite believe that time travel could exist. Both my father and Caleb were confident that they could one day figure it out, though, so I quietly stuck by them. I have very fond memories of when I was young and would sit in the lab and draw as they fiddled with wires and things my child brain couldn’t understand. 
“William,” Caleb blurted once he saw my father sitting on the couch, awe clear in his voice. My father lazily dragged his gaze to Caleb who was now standing in the middle of the living room. That lazy gaze was quick to turn to surprise.
“Caleb? What are you doing here?” 
“I found it. I found it.” 
“Found wha-” my father started, then trailed off. A sour look crossed his face. “That’s not funny, and you know it,” he snapped. Caleb ran a hand through his hair and shook his head so hard that I was sure it would fall off. 
“No. No, this isn’t some petty joke. I found it. All it took was a little chemical imbalance change.” My father still had a disbelieving look on his face, so Caleb continued explaining. “I sent a fruit through first. An apple, just an apple. Poof, it was gone. I pressed the button, and poof, it was back. Then I went through myself. See, at that moment, I didn’t care if I would’ve died or been injured. I had to know. I had to. Looking back, I can now see that I was too hasty, but I went, William. I was there. China, 1963. I was there. You have to believe me. You have to.” All the color had seeped out of my father’s face as he listened to Caleb. Annoyed, I crossed my arms. Was Caleb really trying to say that he’d invented time travel 

“Show me,” my father whispered. “I need to see it. Need to know.” Caleb nodded.
“Hurry.” And just like that, he was back out of the door. Closing his book, my father stood up on shaking legs. Distantly, I heard a car start. 
“Dad,” I said, grabbing his arm to keep him from toppling over on his weak legs, “do you really believe him?” He shrugged. “Take me with you.” 
“No, Amelia, my little Earhart. Not yet,” my father answered, eyes somewhere a million miles away. He bent down to kiss my forehead, then grabbed his coat, shoved his feet into his shoes, and left the house without another word. 
That was the last time I ever saw my father alive and whole. 
Seven hours. That was how long I waited for him. It was almost one in the morning before Caleb knocked on my door again. My mother had gone to bed. She had reassured me that my father’s absence was nothing of concern. After all, he was a curious man, and curiosity calls when curiosity calls. I knew this was different, though. I felt it deep in my bones. Something was very, very wrong. 
Knock, knock, knock. 
I hadn’t been able to get in the right mindset for drawing since my father left, but I had still tried. When the knock came, I set my drawing pencil down and stood up. A feeling of deja vu flashing briefly in me. This was exactly how it had gone seven hours ago. Except this time, when I opened the door, Caleb stood there, tears spilling on his face. I opened my mouth, except no words came out. Something was very, very wrong. 
“I messed up,” he said. Another tear fell down his cheek. Something was very, very wrong. 
“What?” I asked, voice hoarse. “What happened?” 
“It’s best if you just see for yourself.” 
So I went. My father was in trouble. What else was I supposed to do other than go? 
During the drive, I kept firing questions at Caleb, but he never answered. Just stared at the road, knuckles white on the wheels. He drove to the lab building on the college campus that he used, one that I’d been in many times before, but not in this dire of a situation.
“A lab,” Caleb explained, talking for the first time since knocking on my door. I nodded, my heart racing. What would I find in there? 
Caleb took a key out of his pocket and unlocked the lab. I followed him, wincing at the fluorescent lights. He took me to a room in the very back. Everything in the room was shockingly polished and bright. The white counters, the tiled flooring, the silver tools, everything except one thing. A black box stood alone in the center of the room, just large enough for an average sized human to fit into comfortably. It was covered in wires of all different colors, and on one side there was a panel with various buttons. The supposed time machine. Last time I’d seen it, it was nearly so put together. 
“Where is my father?” I asked, trying to ignore the machine and all of its chaos. 
“I think the machine… killed your father.” 

Killed. Dead. 
My jaw fell open and I further examined the machine. It looked complex, but not dangerous. “What-what do you mean?” 
Killed. Dead. 
Caleb heaved a sigh and sat down on a metal bench. 
“I got it. I figured out how to time travel. Just this evening. He was the first person I told.” Caleb trailed off, tears welling in his eyes again. 
“What happened?” I asked, almost afraid to know. Caleb didn’t answer me. “What happened?” I repeated, raising my voice to almost a shouting level. 
“I-I sent an apple through. Before I got your father. To test the machine. It went through, and then I went through, and it worked. Your father, he changed the location and the year. It made the machine restart. I looked at the graphs for the apple, and it dematerialized in order to understand the location it was being sent to. That way when I was sent, I was sent into a place that the machine had already gotten used to.” That made no sense to me. 
“You said it dematerialized…?” 
“Yes, the machine sent its essence there, but kept an invisible form here. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve studied the same materials as me. Imagine a ghost. The apple was like a ghost in that world, trying to understand what was happening there.” 
“Are you saying my father is a ghost from the past?” My tone was so incredulous, it also seemed offensive, but I didn’t care.
“No, I’m saying he’s a dematerialized form of himself.” 
“Okay. So rematerialize him like you did for the apple, then go get him. You said that was safe, right? Because something had already materialized there, so it was safe for something else to go.”
“Yes, that would be safe, but I can’t rematerialize your father.” 
“And why not?” 
“Because he has functioning parts. Blood pumping, organs working, cell circulation. He’s more complex than an apple. I can’t rematerialize your father without killing him.” My heart stopped in my chest. If what he was saying was true, and I still wasn’t entirely sure that it was, then that meant my father was a dematerialized essence, a ghost. I didn’t respond for some time, thinking that over. 
“Where did he go?” I finally pondered out loud.
“Mark Twain's house, 1883.” 
“If all of this is true-” 
“I assure you it is.”
“-then send me over.” 
There was a pause. “What?” 
“Send me over,” I repeated, voice firm. “I’ll find a way to bring him back.” 

Killed. Dead. 
My jaw fell open and I further examined the machine. It looked complex, but not dangerous. “What-what do you mean?” 
Killed. Dead. 
Caleb heaved a sigh and sat down on a metal bench. 
“I got it. I figured out how to time travel. Just this evening. He was the first person I told.” Caleb trailed off, tears welling in his eyes again. 
“What happened?” I asked, almost afraid to know. Caleb didn’t answer me. “What happened?” I repeated, raising my voice to almost a shouting level. 
“I-I sent an apple through. Before I got your father. To test the machine. It went through, and then I went through, and it worked. Your father, he changed the location and the year. It made the machine restart. I looked at the graphs for the apple, and it dematerialized in order to understand the location it was being sent to. That way when I was sent, I was sent into a place that the machine had already gotten used to.” That made no sense to me. 
“You said it dematerialized…?” 
“Yes, the machine sent its essence there, but kept an invisible form here. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve studied the same materials as me. Imagine a ghost. The apple was like a ghost in that world, trying to understand what was happening there.” 
“Are you saying my father is a ghost from the past?” My tone was so incredulous, it also seemed offensive, but I didn’t care.
“No, I’m saying he’s a dematerialized form of himself.” 
“Okay. So rematerialize him like you did for the apple, then go get him. You said that was safe, right? Because something had already materialized there, so it was safe for something else to go.”
“Yes, that would be safe, but I can’t rematerialize your father.” 
“And why not?” 
“Because he has functioning parts. Blood pumping, organs working, cell circulation. He’s more complex than an apple. I can’t rematerialize your father without killing him.” My heart stopped in my chest. If what he was saying was true, and I still wasn’t entirely sure that it was, then that meant my father was a dematerialized essence, a ghost. I didn’t respond for some time, thinking that over. 
“Where did he go?” I finally pondered out loud.
“Mark Twain's house, 1883.” 
“If all of this is true-” 
“I assure you it is.”
“-then send me over.” 
There was a pause. “What?” 
“Send me over,” I repeated, voice firm. “I’ll find a way to bring him back.” 

“Amelia, I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” 
“Your father would never forgive me. He loves you too much to put you in any dangerous situation like this.” 
Tears also threatened to fall out of my eyes, but I took a deep breath and pushed them back down. I couldn’t fall apart. Not now. Not until I had my father back.
“Send the apple through,” I demanded. “Send it through, let it fully materialize, then let me go find a way to get my father back.” 
“And what will you do if I refuse?” 
“I’ll set fire to your time machine,” I responded with a menacing smile that I didn’t really feel. I reached inside the pocket and brought out a lighter. Much to my satisfaction, Caleb blanched. 
“You wouldn’t.” 
“I would do anything for my father.” I meant that with all of my heart. As distant as he was in his studies sometimes, I loved my father. Loved him enough to risk my life if it meant I got to bring him back. 
With a deep sigh, Caleb stood up and walked to a white fridge. He pulled out an apple, hesitated, then walked to the machine. Opening the door , he set the apple inside and closed it back up. I watched him enter a series of codes on the panel, heart racing. Was I really about to do this? Did I really believe this was real?
After three tense minutes, Caleb opened the door again and took the apple out. 
“That fast?” I asked. 
“That fast. Are you sure you want to do this?” 
Doubt crept up on me, but I pushed it down and nodded. Caleb sighed again, but opened the door and ushered me inside the machine. “You have one hour,” he told me. “One hour to try and bring him back before I bring you back.” 
I started protesting, but he closed the door. Outside of the box, I could hear Caleb toying with the panel. I can do this, I thought to myself. I can bring him back.
After a moment, everything went cold. I thought maybe the air conditioning had kicked in, but then a feeling like tiny needles stabbing me broke across my skin, and I realized what was happening. I was traveling across time. 
Just like that, a mere flash in my vision and needles across my skin, my feet landed on tiled flooring. For a second, I thought I had gone blind, but then I realized it was just the middle of the night. Of course it would be. When I left the present day, it was almost two in the morning. The one thing that doesn’t change over time is time itself. Especially if you only live three hours away from the place you’re traveling to. 

I was facing a dark wood door, long windows to each side, and a curved window on top. I snuck a peek out of the window to the right, and sure enough, it was dark. So dark that I could only see grass and shadows that could’ve been trees.
Turning around, I looked at my surroundings for the first time and had to stifle a gasp. Sam Clemens certainly didn’t hesitate with intimidating elegance. Though the light was low, I could make out intricate wood carvings. Gas lanterns were also attached to the wall, but they weren’t on. There were stairs ahead of me to the left, but I knew that the Clemens family would likely be up there, so I decided to try and find my father downstairs first. So, I turned and quietly opened the first door to my right. 
Instead of a gasp, this time I had to stifle a giggle. One year, when I was around nine, my father had taken me to the county fair. We never went out much (unless to go to a bookstore, library, or museum), so this was a rare treat for me. My father was happy to see me happy, and bought me cone after cone of pink cotton candy. I indulged myself too much in that cotton candy, and when we went on the carousel, I puked it all up. That’s exactly what this room looked like: pink cotton candy puke. 
I ventured further into the room and nearly had a heart attack when I saw my reflection in the tall mirror on the wall immediately right of the door. After calming my racing heart back down, I looked into the mirror and studied myself. The hand in the mirror trembled when I brought it up to my face and gently touched the shadows under my eyes that were prominent even in the dark night. I’d never really thought badly about my appearances, but now I had doubts slipping into my mind. I looked fragile. Weak. I looked more like someone who was already mourning her father than someone who was trying to rescue him. As if I was trying to prove my reflection wrong, I straightened up and walked away to find my father. I had to save him, or else that weak reflection of mine would only be the very beginning of my downfall. 
Walking in the opposite direction of the mirror, careful not to bump into the piano, I slipped through gold curtains into the dining room. I hurried through there, not wanting to linger like I had in the pink room. Sneaking a glance at my watch, I saw that I only had fifty-four minutes left until Caleb said he’d bring me back. I had no leads on what I was going to do to save my father, but giving up wasn’t an option. 
Thick red velvet curtains separated the dining room from the library, and I went through them with uneven steps. If there was any place my father would favor being, the library was a likely option. At first, the only thing I saw in the library were the short shelves lining the walls and the bright green plants in the extended conservatory, but then my eyes picked up a flash of light. 
And there he was. 
My father was exactly himself, only… translucent. The breath left my lungs in one deft woosh, and it felt like I’d been punched. He was staring up at the intricate carved wood mantel above the fireplace, not having noticed me yet. I don’t know what I expected him to be like, but it certainly

I was facing a dark wood door, long windows to each side, and a curved window on top. I snuck a peek out of the window to the right, and sure enough, it was dark. So dark that I could only see grass and shadows that could’ve been trees.
Turning around, I looked at my surroundings for the first time and had to stifle a gasp. Sam Clemens certainly didn’t hesitate with intimidating elegance. Though the light was low, I could make out intricate wood carvings. Gas lanterns were also attached to the wall, but they weren’t on. There were stairs ahead of me to the left, but I knew that the Clemens family would likely be up there, so I decided to try and find my father downstairs first. So, I turned and quietly opened the first door to my right. 
Instead of a gasp, this time I had to stifle a giggle. One year, when I was around nine, my father had taken me to the county fair. We never went out much (unless to go to a bookstore, library, or museum), so this was a rare treat for me. My father was happy to see me happy, and bought me cone after cone of pink cotton candy. I indulged myself too much in that cotton candy, and when we went on the carousel, I puked it all up. That’s exactly what this room looked like: pink cotton candy puke. 
I ventured further into the room and nearly had a heart attack when I saw my reflection in the tall mirror on the wall immediately right of the door. After calming my racing heart back down, I looked into the mirror and studied myself. The hand in the mirror trembled when I brought it up to my face and gently touched the shadows under my eyes that were prominent even in the dark night. I’d never really thought badly about my appearances, but now I had doubts slipping into my mind. I looked fragile. Weak. I looked more like someone who was already mourning her father than someone who was trying to rescue him. As if I was trying to prove my reflection wrong, I straightened up and walked away to find my father. I had to save him, or else that weak reflection of mine would only be the very beginning of my downfall. 
Walking in the opposite direction of the mirror, careful not to bump into the piano, I slipped through gold curtains into the dining room. I hurried through there, not wanting to linger like I had in the pink room. Sneaking a glance at my watch, I saw that I only had fifty-four minutes left until Caleb said he’d bring me back. I had no leads on what I was going to do to save my father, but giving up wasn’t an option. 
Thick red velvet curtains separated the dining room from the library, and I went through them with uneven steps. If there was any place my father would favor being, the library was a likely option. At first, the only thing I saw in the library were the short shelves lining the walls and the bright green plants in the extended conservatory, but then my eyes picked up a flash of light. 
And there he was. 
My father was exactly himself, only… translucent. The breath left my lungs in one deft woosh, and it felt like I’d been punched. He was staring up at the intricate carved wood mantel above the fireplace, not having noticed me yet. I don’t know what I expected him to be like, but it certainly

wasn’t this. I could imagine it, him being like that forever. A mere imitation of himself. Living a life without life.
“Da,” I breathed, voice hoarse. I haven’t called him that since I was a child, but it just slipped out. He turned around and stared at me knowingly, not with shock like I would’ve expected. “Dad, are you alright?”
“Did you know Sam Clemens imported this elegant wood piece from Europe, but because it was too tall, he had the top cut off and placed it over the doorway to the dining room?” 
I looked over to the doorway I’d come in from, and sure enough, there was a wood piece of two cupid-like figures resting on top of the doorway.
“Dad, are you alright?” I repeated with evident worry. 
“I knew you’d come, my little Earhart,” he said, ignoring my question again. “Not because you wanted to see the history like me, but because you’re brave.” I didn’t feel very brave at that moment, but I didn’t tell him that. 
“I’m going to get you out of here,” I insisted. His eyes softened, and he looked away before speaking again. 
“I’m afraid that isn’t possible.” 
“And how do you know?” 
“Look at me,” he snapped, gesturing to his translucent body. “I’m not even a form, I can’t even touch anything! How am I supposed to come back from this?” 
“So, you won’t even try?” I shouted incredulously. My father shot a nervous look to the door behind me, and I lowered my voice. “You’re just going to give up?” He sighed and floated above the rocking chair beside the fireplace as if he was sitting on it. I looked down at my watch. Fifty minutes. 
“Dad, please, is there anything you even think could help?” 
“There are some scientific tomes on the shelf by the couch, but I can’t touch them, and I don’t specialize in this field, so no,” he said with a sigh, putting his face in his hands. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to go,” he muttered to himself. 
“I know,” I responded anyway. I walked towards the shelf he was talking about and looked over the pristine books. Science from the nineteenth century wasn’t advanced, but it would have to do. I’d gotten good enough grades in chemistry and physics, and with Calebs explanation, maybe I could reason something out. Stiffly, I grabbed one of the books that looked promising enough and sat down on the couch. My father watched me with curious eyes, and then stood up and continued studying the wood piece above the fireplace. 
I skimmed over a few chapters that I didn’t really understand before a headache pounded into my temples. The lack of sleep was catching up on me. I looked down at my watch. Thirty-one minutes. How had that happened? I could’ve sworn I just opened the book, and now my total time was down to half. 

“I-I can’t,” I said, voice breaking. “I don’t understand any of this. I don’t know what to do.” My father, who was now peeking out of the window in the conservatory, looked over at me. 
“I suppose now is a bad time to say I told you so?” How could he be so flippant about this? He could be stuck like this… this translucent figure forever. He could never eat or drink or sleep or touch or smell. He would be only a step above death. It might’ve been selfish, but my thoughts drifted to me. I never had any friends, my mother never really talked to me, and my father was all I had. Without him, I would be almost as much of a ghost as he now was. What would I do without him and his endless curiosity? 
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I didn’t stop them from falling. My entire body was shaking so hard that it just felt like one big tremor, and nausea stirred deep in my stomach. I couldn’t lose my father. I couldn’t be alone. 
“Amelia, please don’t cry.” I couldn’t stop crying, though. This was a feeling I’d never experienced before. Grief struck through me, as deep and dark as a cave. I felt dizzy with it. I felt empty. Can’t lose him, can’t lose him, can’t lose him, were the only words echoing in my mind. 
They say that life flashed before your eyes when you die, but my life flashed before my eyes when my father was essentially dead. 

Everything 
Was
There
All of those years
Now matching all of my tears 
The books and the drawings
The “My dear, Earhart’s”
The county fairs
The smiles
The rainy days filled with dusty books and coffees and museums and quiet love
The quiet love 
Would
Be
So
So
So
Quiet
If he was gone
Empty was me