Loading...
oh, why are girls in songs always seventeen?
Loading...
ella pegan ella pegan ella pegan ella pegan ella pegan ella peganLoading...
ella pegan ella pegan ella pegan ella pegan ella pegan ella
and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite.
- diana wynne jones, howl's moving castle
- stephen chbosky, the perks of being a wallflower
Copyright © CHS Chapbooks 2021. All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without permission from CHS Chapbooks.
i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after.
and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite. and in that moment, i swear we were infinite.
- diana wynne jones, howl's moving castle
i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after. i think we ought to live happily ever after.
1
Dear Future Ella
(Hey there, Past Ella)
How are things? (We’re in a pandemic but you and your family are all safe and healthy.) I hope you’re well. (I think I am, most days.) There are a few specific things that I hope you’re well about, so I’ll touch on those first.
I hope you and Sadie got into Canterbury. (We did.) I hope I was able to coordinate a kick ass group costume for halloween. (I always put so much emphasis on Halloween, and for what? For grade 12 I want to go as a fairy so I can dress pretty and buy those stupid wings from the Dollarstore.) I hope I have someone that I am in love with and who loves me back. (Nope, not yet. It’ll happen eventually. Good for you for having such mature goals, though.) I hope that by the time I read this I will have a fully completed manuscript and that I was able to meet my word goal during NaNoWriMo. (You didn’t meet it during NaNo, but your first draft is done, and it’s sitting and waiting for me to return to it this summer. I know what it meant to you. Fun fact, I think it was the fact you tried NaNoWriMo that really put you over the top in the Canty application. So, thank you.) I hope that I have all my old friends, and maybe make some new ones. (You don’t have all your old friends, but that’s okay. Lizzie’s still around because Sadie’s her best friend, and I talk to Jonah every once in a while. But you have new friends, such lovely people. I hope they stay in my life for many more years.) I hope my sister’s band does well during every concert and that she gets into the college of her choice. (University, actually, as she likes to remind you. The band has changed a lot. The pandemic hasn’t helped. But she and Chris are together now, and I think they’ll get married and have one of those impossible relationships you hear about from friends of friends. I hope they do, cause they make each other happy, and Chris already feels like part of the family.) I hope my parents are still together. I think they will be, but I still… I mean, I have no doubt they will be, but I still hope. (They are. There’s no reason to worry. They dance in the kitchen and tell stupid jokes. If there’s something stronger than cement, that’s what their relationship and life are set in.) I hope my anxiety is good. (Surprise! Anxiety's just the tip of the iceberg. But I'm fine most days. There are still good and bad days, but I’ve gotten used to the flow. I’m okay.)
(Hey there, Past Ella)
How are things? (We’re in a pandemic but you and your family are all safe and healthy.) I hope you’re well. (I think I am, most days.) There are a few specific things that I hope you’re well about, so I’ll touch on those first.
I hope you and Sadie got into Canterbury. (We did.) I hope I was able to coordinate a kick ass group costume for halloween. (I always put so much emphasis on Halloween, and for what? For grade 12 I want to go as a fairy so I can dress pretty and buy those stupid wings from the Dollarstore.) I hope I have someone that I am in love with and who loves me back. (Nope, not yet. It’ll happen eventually. Good for you for having such mature goals, though.) I hope that by the time I read this I will have a fully completed manuscript and that I was able to meet my word goal during NaNoWriMo. (You didn’t meet it during NaNo, but your first draft is done, and it’s sitting and waiting for me to return to it this summer. I know what it meant to you. Fun fact, I think it was the fact you tried NaNoWriMo that really put you over the top in the Canty application. So, thank you.) I hope that I have all my old friends, and maybe make some new ones. (You don’t have all your old friends, but that’s okay. Lizzie’s still around because Sadie’s her best friend, and I talk to Jonah every once in a while. But you have new friends, such lovely people. I hope they stay in my life for many more years.) I hope my sister’s band does well during every concert and that she gets into the college of her choice. (University, actually, as she likes to remind you. The band has changed a lot. The pandemic hasn’t helped. But she and Chris are together now, and I think they’ll get married and have one of those impossible relationships you hear about from friends of friends. I hope they do, cause they make each other happy, and Chris already feels like part of the family.) I hope my parents are still together. I think they will be, but I still… I mean, I have no doubt they will be, but I still hope. (They are. There’s no reason to worry. They dance in the kitchen and tell stupid jokes. If there’s something stronger than cement, that’s what their relationship and life are set in.) I hope my anxiety is good. (Surprise! Anxiety's just the tip of the iceberg. But I'm fine most days. There are still good and bad days, but I’ve gotten used to the flow. I’m okay.)
Wednesday Sept. 5th 2017
2
I can’t think of anything else that I hope right now, but I’m still not done.
I have some reminders for you.
- You write very well. You can have this if you just keep working. (I wrote this little sentiment on the chalkboard in my room. I store phrases, little things that make me smile. Hermosa mija mi vida cariño. CRINGE CULTURE is DEAD. Try • Error. it’s just life. Go Beyond!! Plus Ultra!! Gratitoad. Feel The Rain! PANIC MONSTER. who give a shit? You STINK!!! zazz. What can I say? Weird must find comfort in weird.)
- Your stomach isn’t too big. It is completely natural and beautiful. I swear, it’s all in your head. (It’s funny. I didn’t realize I wasn't overweight until grade nine. How did they manage to convince me that my 13 year old body was my enemy?)
- You are worth it to so many people. If the one you have a crush on doesn’t see it, they are not worth it. (No they aren’t. And that’s okay.)
- Take some time to enjoy being alive. It’s pretty swell. Pet your dog (Dog died.), take a walk, read a book. Do it. It’s worth so much. (I’m still struggling with this. But I’m trying to find more joy in the simple act of being. I think I’ll need more reminders to appreciate what I have. This is a step in the right direction.)
You’re awesome. (You’re awesome.) I love you. (I love you.) Don’t forget that. I’m always on your side. You’re the best person to be friends with. (Sometimes I’m not, and that’s also okay. I’m worth more than what I can give to other people.) I love you sooooooo much. (Same, kid.) Stay in school. (School is fun. I like school. I think I might even go to university.) Be nice to your family. (I thought that something explosive would happen, with all of us under one roof day and night for a year. A week long fight, or having to drive around for an hour or two to cool off. But we've kept it together. Surprisingly, I think we're closer. We hang out after dinner because we like talking to each other. But remember that it’s always easier to be funny than to be kind, and that the easy thing is often not the right thing.) Don’t do drugs. Don’t be mean to yourself. Be your friend. (Again, a work in progress.) Don’t give up. (On what? Writing? Living?) You rule. You are a fucking QUEEN! (I wish I could hug you.)
I love you. (I love you.)
XOXO, (XOXO,)
2nd day of grade 8 Ella (237th day of grade 11 Ella)
I have some reminders for you.
- You write very well. You can have this if you just keep working. (I wrote this little sentiment on the chalkboard in my room. I store phrases, little things that make me smile. Hermosa mija mi vida cariño. CRINGE CULTURE is DEAD. Try • Error. it’s just life. Go Beyond!! Plus Ultra!! Gratitoad. Feel The Rain! PANIC MONSTER. who give a shit? You STINK!!! zazz. What can I say? Weird must find comfort in weird.)
- Your stomach isn’t too big. It is completely natural and beautiful. I swear, it’s all in your head. (It’s funny. I didn’t realize I wasn't overweight until grade nine. How did they manage to convince me that my 13 year old body was my enemy?)
- You are worth it to so many people. If the one you have a crush on doesn’t see it, they are not worth it. (No they aren’t. And that’s okay.)
- Take some time to enjoy being alive. It’s pretty swell. Pet your dog (Dog died.), take a walk, read a book. Do it. It’s worth so much. (I’m still struggling with this. But I’m trying to find more joy in the simple act of being. I think I’ll need more reminders to appreciate what I have. This is a step in the right direction.)
You’re awesome. (You’re awesome.) I love you. (I love you.) Don’t forget that. I’m always on your side. You’re the best person to be friends with. (Sometimes I’m not, and that’s also okay. I’m worth more than what I can give to other people.) I love you sooooooo much. (Same, kid.) Stay in school. (School is fun. I like school. I think I might even go to university.) Be nice to your family. (I thought that something explosive would happen, with all of us under one roof day and night for a year. A week long fight, or having to drive around for an hour or two to cool off. But we've kept it together. Surprisingly, I think we're closer. We hang out after dinner because we like talking to each other. But remember that it’s always easier to be funny than to be kind, and that the easy thing is often not the right thing.) Don’t do drugs. Don’t be mean to yourself. Be your friend. (Again, a work in progress.) Don’t give up. (On what? Writing? Living?) You rule. You are a fucking QUEEN! (I wish I could hug you.)
I love you. (I love you.)
XOXO, (XOXO,)
2nd day of grade 8 Ella (237th day of grade 11 Ella)
3
content warning: ableism
The Real World
Peter, 24, arrives home, upset. He aggressively loosens his tie. His father John, 50, sits in a lounge chair, reading.
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
Peter is stimming. His head jerks, and his fingers move wildly, clenching and unclenching as he tries to calm himself. John considers this.
JOHN:
PETER:
John hesitates before asking his next question.
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
Peter is stimming. His head jerks, and his fingers move wildly, clenching and unclenching as he tries to calm himself. John considers this.
JOHN:
PETER:
John hesitates before asking his next question.
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
You’re home early.
They fucking fired me.
What?
They fired me. No warning. No explanation. I just-
Did anything happen?
No. I was doing everything right. My numbers were good, I was starting to know my way around... My parking pass even got validated! You know, it’s funny, I actually thought things were going okay. For once, I thought I was solid. People were being nice to me, they were, they- I don’t know.
Were you moving again?
Dad.
What? I’m just asking.
Stop asking.
Were you? That’s all I want to know.
(heavy sigh) Yeah. I was. Just at my desk.
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
Peter’s stimming pauses, and then his face contorts. Peter begins to pace, and his stimming starts back up.
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
Peter’s stimming pauses, and then his face contorts. Peter begins to pace, and his stimming starts back up.
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER:
JOHN:
PETER: