Nonfictional Proses based on the trails and tribulations during my Sophomore Year in High School.

Muddle Thoughts

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The future is just around the corner&nbsp; And I don't know my next step The dreams that I have seems to be someone else's That I no longer live for myself But only for the people I care deeply for To trumspringa and leave everything behind in the pursuit of my very own simple life, Most of the time, I feel like I'm copying my older sister But it's taking me too long to recognize my dreams I have no clue as to what I want to be in life

So maybe I'm just leeching off my sister in the time being This uncertainty begins to frighten me&nbsp; Every time I think of my future Wondering will I ever feel reassurance

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The life I have always wanted The new bonds that will start The career that will occupy my life&nbsp; I won't be uncertain in the future&nbsp; My life will be supplied with new, better options I will be in charge of succeeding or plummeting To discover a life that's comforting Being afraid of the unknown is natural&nbsp;

Sometimes I believe I'm not ready to be alone To be anonymous, to start from the bottom again But I will begin to think positively before that time comes

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A person who never got to mourn A person who lost more than gained A person who never complained A person who puts others before themselves The person who never experienced adolescence to its fullest The person who loves but is afraid of being loved The person whose eyes have lost their glimmer The person who still wants a toy, Who still wants their parents love Who gets swallowed up in their education because what else is there for them to do The one who misses their mother and the movie marathons they used to have

The death in their family leaves them shaking and riddled with mental illnesses The growing woman who has matured faster than her peers The woman who gets overwhelmed over the littlest things in life because she wonders if this will be the last time I see it Never being able to stay with her family No one is there to take care of her at the young age she is at The teen idle she wishes to be The miserable Inner child that seems to be alright in the eyes of others I am that Inner child

Antique paper texture

I am changing 2025 is the end date Parts of me are dying Nobody to save me

Chalkboard

Not everyone experiences pain the same Things run through my head And in my mind, I have a lot of time to think&nbsp; But every time I talk about it, it slips away That's why I believe I'm supposed to be in pain&nbsp; I feel like no one can help me I'm stuck I try to occupy my mind with various activities&nbsp; But it doesn't last long I hurt people I care about and it fucks with my head

Sometimes I believe I would be better off not here It would be a better place if I wasn't here Like I'm not fit for Earth Other times I feel ecstatic like I have a purpose I would be so full of life I want that back That tingly feeling It makes me wonder why can't I be happy Wondering why pain is part of my life

Purple geometrical pattern

I don't want to be ordinary&nbsp; It scares me to think of such a matter I want to have qualities that others can identify within me I want to be different&nbsp; To be unordinary Because it can get lonely trying to fit in People fear being alone&nbsp; But there is still someone out there that feels the same as you Someone who you can be unnatural with Someone who wants to shift and who despises being mind-numbingly, sickeningly, and painfully ordinary

Stars pattern

I never loved you I don't think about you Or the way I "thought" you looked at me I don't miss the time we spent together&nbsp; The hugs and eye contact we had made me feel weightless As if a cloud was my pillow In denial that I never liked the giddiness, I felt when someone said your name

"Oh no, we're not together," I exclaimed. "We're only talking." But only God knows how I wished for that to change The manifesting and time I put in just for you to look at me, to see only me However, that was only wishful thinking In denial that I don't still... In denial that I knew you never..... It will never be the same as it was

Clouds pattern

I can't help but deliberately do nothing No matter how important the tasks I have&nbsp; I choose to do something mindless instead Which leads people to call me lazy&nbsp; But I just get tired of constantly working To learn to such an extent that I fill forced to do it This state of mind seems to leave me with self-destructive tendencies

Leaf border

I desire a comfortable life&nbsp; A life where I don't have to franticly remember everything To be carefree and enjoy I don't want to be afraid of the future Afraid of being judged All I want is a simple life Simple enough that I can relax Simple enough that I won't have any problems Simple enough that I can stay up late reading I yearn for this type of lifestyle

Paper texture

Sometimes I feel like someone else A mask that nobody can take off, not even me This personality I portray is for people around The emotions I feel in situations with them feel forced Like I'm not even supposed to be with them But am I really existing only for their sake Or can I actually live for myself But I'm afraid Afraid that I can't break out of my shell Trapped in there forever&nbsp; To replay my role as the porcelain doll

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Leaves fall to the ground And winter is just around People wait for Spring

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The fear of being on the border between beautiful and unattractive&nbsp; It tears me apart&nbsp; This insecurity keeps me away from everyone Afraid that I'll be alone all my life I miss being able to do childlike things before puberty&nbsp; I want to be beautiful&nbsp; But sometimes it's tiring To be someone's ideal type&nbsp; Wary of turning into a pick me girl Looks and money are the top desirable things in this world &nbsp;Explains why people get plastic surgery when it's not needed Dreaming of looking like models

Going on strict diets to be "fit" Worrying if I am good looking according to the world's beauty standards Afraid of being basic

Denial........6 Inner Child........8 Uncertainty.........10 It's Coming........12 Memories.......14 Koinophobia........16 Beauty.........18 Pain.......20 Liberosis.......22 Anoscetia.........24 Mogging-Folly........26 Winter Solstice..........28 End Game........30

Rainbow paper border

The days that I recall seem so distant&nbsp;&nbsp; Like it's been more than a decade since I have seen you Most of the memories are fading away&nbsp; Until I can only remember what color your eyes were But these memories are the only thing you left for me How could I lose them like I lost you And if I can't remember these moments, I'll have nothing left of you If I can't recall your attributes&nbsp;

Then what use is it to look at myself I'm just now experiencing the repercussions of missing you Who I am today is because of you I can't afford to feel amentalio about forgetting you&nbsp; I don't want to forget you But what if it's unavoidable...