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The Century Cookbook

by Samson Muchlinski and Brooks Absalonson

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Cookbook
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by Samson Muchlinski and Brooks Absalonson
Serves 4 ⏰ Cooking time: 200 mins
The most freshest cookies
These are the absolute bestest cookies eva! They are totally fresh and deliciously moist. Or they would be if they weren't baked to a crisp.

Method

1. Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. Cream together the goat cheese and sugar cubes.

3. Add the hummingbird eggs and mix it in.

4. Add the corn starch, dead rat essence, and wood chips. Mix well until combined.

5. Roll the mixture into balls and place on a greased baking tray.

6. Barbecue for 100-200 minutes until charred.
Ingredients
1 gallon fresh maple syrup
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100 cups sugar cubes
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20 cups corn starch
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8.5 blocks goat cheese
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50 dead rat extract
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80 hummingbird eggs
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Serves 4 ⏰ Cooking time: 30 mins
Human cake
This is the best cake ever, by far. Just don't look at the ingredients. They are secret.


Method

1. Pre-heat the oven to 10000 degrees.

2. Cream together the eyelashes and stomachs.

3. Add the eyeball and smush it up.

4. Add the ears, blood, and fingernails (toenails also work, and will give the cake a tangy aftertaste). Mix well until combined.

5. Roll the mixture into balls and place on a greased baking tray.

6. Bake for 8-19 minutes until dead.

(Or: Just shove a human into the oven if you are short on time.)
Ingredients
1 cup human fingernails
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1 cup eyelashes
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4 left ears
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1 1/2 stomachs
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1 tsp type A blood
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1 large eyeball
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Serves 4 ⏰ Cooking time: 30 mins
Delicious Gravy
This gravy is awesome for topping chicken or mashed potatoes.
Method

1. Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. Cream together the vomit and vegetable stock.

3. Add the gourd and mix it in.

4. Add the tomato juice, lard, and eggs. Mix well until combined.

5. Shape the mixture into triangular prisms and place on a heavily greased baking tray.

6. Bake for 90 minutes until the odor fills your house.
Ingredients
1 quart homestyle vomit
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1 cup vegetable stock
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1 1/2 cup lard
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1 1/2 cups tomato juice
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1 whole gourd
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10 large eggs (Ostrich is preferred)
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