Ballinspittle NS

forgive me I’m a cat we have no manners we’re always like that Mathew Sweeney

Poem Spoken by a Cat to Its Owner’s Friend Who are Flat Sitting I have eaten the chicken you had on the sideboard defrosting&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; and which you were hoping to roast and serve with wine to your friends ----&gt;

So I lay in the old dentist's chair, And I gaze up his nose in despair, And his drill it do whine, In these molars of mine, "Two amalgum," he'll say, "for in there." How I laughed at my Mother's false teeth, As they foamed in the waters beneath, But now comes the reckonin' It's me they are beckonin' Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth. THE END

SATs don't measure sports, SATs don't measure art, SATs don't measure music, or the kindness in your heart. SATs don't see your beauty, SATs don't know your worth, SATs don't see the reasons you were put upon this earth. SATs don't see your magic, how you make others smile, SATs don't time how quickly you can run a mile. SATs don't hear your laughter, or see you've come this far, SATs are just a tiny glimpse of who you really are. So sitting at your table, with a pencil and your test, Remember SATs aren't who you are, remember you're the best.

Lettuce Marry Do you carrot all for me? My heart beets for you, With your turnip nose And your radish face. You are a peach. If we cantaloupe Lettuce marry; Weed make a swell pear. Anon

When I think of the lollies I licked, And the liquorice allsorts I picked, Sherbet dabs, big and little, All that hard peanut brittle, My conscience gets horribly pricked. My Mother, she told me no end, "If you got a tooth, you got a friend" I was young then, and careless, My toothbrush was hairless, I never had much time to spend.

Somewhere Somewhere in the halls of wisdom Lies the largest box. Filled with all life’s little mysteries And my missing socks! Ian Deal

Revenge. My brother chased me with a crab, He found it by a rock, But I will get my own back- It’s now inside his sock!

I Raised a Great Hullabaloo I raised a great hullabaloo When I found a large mouse in my stew Said the waiter, Don’t shout And wave it about, Or the rest will be wanting one, too!’ Anon.

If You Should Meet a Crocodile If you should meet a crocodile, Don’t take a stick an beat him; Ignore the welcome in his smile, Be careful not to stroke him. For he sleeps upon the Nile, He then gets thinner and thinner; But whene’er you meet a crocodile He’s ready for his dinner. Anon

The Parent Children aren’t happy with nothing to ignore. and that’s what parents were created for. by Ogden Nash

Whoever Sausage a Thing? One day a boy went walking And went into a store; He bought a pound of sausages And laid them on the floor. The boy began to whistle A merry little tune- And all the little sausages Danced around the room.

Neversaurus When dinosaurs roamed the earth, So huge, it was easy to spot ‘em, You’d frequently see a triceratops, But never a tricerabottom. by Celia Warren.

So its Ning Nang Nong&nbsp; Cows go Bong!&nbsp; Nong Nang Ning&nbsp; Trees go ping&nbsp; Nong Ning Nang&nbsp; The mice go Clang&nbsp; What a noisy place to belong&nbsp; cause it's the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong Words by Spike Milligan

Nine Reasons for Hating Children Their coats all over the cloakroom floor their fondness for&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; the open door. The way they chatter the way they chew I really hate them. Look. Don’t you? The Velcro crackling on their nikes The way they career about on bikes.

Some children, I know, look like roses, but they pick their ears and pick their noses. and others, though told time and again, don’t wash their hands or pull the chain. Many children I have sighted still support[No!] Man United! Kids may look good but run a mile when you see one. They are vile.

Bump! Things that go ‘bump!’ in the night Should not really give one a fright. It’s the hole in each year That lets in the fear, That, and the absence of light!

Science Lesson We’ve done ‘Water’ and ‘Metals’ and ‘Plastic’. Today, it’s the turn of ‘Elastic’. Sir sets up a test... Wow, that was the best- he whizzed through the window. Fantastic! by Mike Johnson

Thirty Days Hath September Thirty days hath September, And the rest I can’t remember. by Michael Rosen

Blow- Dry Bill’s a Baddie Blow –Dry Bill’s a baddie A hairdresser by trade But at weekends he dons a mask And does the odd bank raid. He doesn’t take a gun with him No bullets does he fire Instead he takes a trusty friend An old sawn – off hair dryer. -&gt;

‘How threatening can a hair dryer be?’ I hear you people say Well, if the staff don’t give him cash He blows them all away.

Dick’s Dog Dick had a dog The dog dug The dog dug deep How deep did Dick’s dog dig? Dick had a duck The duck dived&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The duck dived deep How deep did Dick’s duck dive? Dick’s duck dived as deep as Dick’s dog dug. by Trevor Millum.

The Optimist The optimist fell ten storeys And at each window bar He shouted to the folks inside ‘Doing all right so far!’.

OH, I WISH I'D LOOKED AFTER MY TEETH by Pam Ayres Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth, And spotted the perils beneath, All the toffees I chewed, And the sweet sticky food, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth. I wish I'd been that much more willin' When I had more tooth there than fillin' To pass up gobstoppers, From respect to me choppers And to buy something else with me shillin'.

Aunt Brute Aunt Brute was cute In a bulldog way But kissing her was weird She always took her teeth out first And hung them on her beard. by Bill Condon.

The Germ A mighty creature is the germ, Though smaller than the pachyderm. His customary dwelling place Is deep within the human race. His childish pride he often pleases By giving people strange diseases. Do you, my moppet, feel infirm? You probably contain a germ. Ogden Nash

THE LOVE SONG OF HARRY HIPPO Harry Hippo fell in love&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; one Sunday afternoon and sang his girlfriend love songs&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; beneath the jungle moon ‘ Oh, marry me,’ sang Harry,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; and I'll cover you in kisses and be so proud when you become my hippopotamissus!’ by&nbsp;Larry O’Loughlin&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

Cabbage. The cabbage is a funny veg. All crisp, and green, and brainy. I sometimes wear one on my head When it’s cold and rainy. Roger McGough.

Elephantasy ‘There’s been an elephant in my fridge,’ I heard the old man mutter. ‘How can you tell?’ I asked him. ‘Footprints in the butter!’ ‘The elephant’s still there.’ The old man gave a ‘tut!’ ‘How did you know?’ I asked him. ‘Look, the door won’t shut!’

GRANDMA WAS EATEN BY A SHARK! Grandma was eaten by a shark Dad, by a killer whale And my baby brother got slurped up By a rather hungry sea snail A cuttlefish cut my mum to bits An octopus strangled my sister A jellyfish stung my auntie’s toes Giving her terrible blisters

A pufferfish poisoned my grandpa A dogfish ate my cat And then a catfish ate my dog! I was very upset about that So you go for a swim if you like Just don’t ask me to come too I’m staying here with my camera I can’t wait to see what gets you! &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Andrea Shavick

Cry For Help. To whoever finds this note. Me and twenty three others are trapped in a large pie at King’s. Take this to Special Branch and earn yourself a nest egg reward. Blackbird. John C.Desmond.

On Top of Spaghetti On top of spaghetti all covered in cheese, I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed. It rolled off the table, and on to the floor, And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door. It rolled into the garden , and under a bush, And then my poor meatball was nothing but mush. The mush was as tasty, as tasty can be, And early next summer grew into a tree. The tree was all covered, with beautiful moss, It grew lovely meatballs and tomato sauce. So if you eat spaghetti, all covered with cheese, Hold on to your meatball and don’t ever sneeze. Anon.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right, I flashed it about late at night, But up-and-down brushin' And pokin' and fussin' Didn't seem worth the time... I could bite! If I'd known I was paving the way, To cavities, caps and decay, The murder of fiIlin's Injections and drillin's I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.

My Spaniel I’ve been teaching my spaniel to play The piano this many a day, But his Mozart’s a curse And his Bach is much worse Than his bite, I’m sorry to say. by Gerard Benson.

The Way to the Zoo. That’s the way to the Zoo. That’s the way to the Zoo. The monkey house is nearly full But there’s room enough for you. Anon.

In Trouble Again Will you PLEASE Stop sniffing and blow your nose tidy your things away and hang up your clothes! Please do something useful like cleaning the hamster’s cage but most of all, Dad, PLEASE just act your age! Susan Quinn.

Dragon Love Poem When you smile the room lights up and I have to call the fire brigade by Roger Stevens

Not Funny A sad old wizard waved his wand ‘Something to make me laugh’, he said. A joke book hurtled through the door And bashed him on the head. Mike Jubb

Piglet I’m a piglet, pink and stout, If I’m cold, I sneeze and sniff. If I have to blow my snout, I take out my oinkerchief. by Jack Prelutsky

I built a Fabulous Machine I built a fabulous machine to keep my room completely clean. It swept it up in nothing flat- has anybody seen the cat? Jack Prelutsky.

A sumo Wrestler Chappy. A sumo wrestler chappy One day in the ring was unhappy When thrown to the ground His mum pinned him down And in view of the crowd changed his nappy. by Paul Cookson.

Science Day A monkey came for science day with people from the zoo, who showed us slides of chimps and apes and told us what they do. The monkey stayed around a while and made himself a pest. And worst of all: he scored much higher than me on our test. by Denise Rodgers

I’m Glad I’m glad the sky is painted blue And the earth is painted green, With such a lot of nice fresh air All sandwiched in between.

<a href="https://www.funnysongsforkids.com/childrens-classics/on-the-ning-nang-nong">On the Ning Nang Nong</a> On the Ning Nang Nong&nbsp; Where the Cows go Bong!&nbsp; and the monkeys all say BOO!&nbsp; There's a Nong Nang Ning&nbsp; Where the trees go Ping!&nbsp; And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.&nbsp; On the Nong Ning Nang&nbsp; All the mice go Clang&nbsp; And you just can't catch 'em when they do!&nbsp;

BEGIN Begin again to the summoning birds to the sight of light at the window, begin to the roar of morning traffic all along Pembroke Road. Every beginning is a promise born in light and dying in dark determination and exaltation of springtime flowering the way to work. Begin to the pageant of queuing girls the arrogant loneliness of swans in the canal bridges linking the past and the future old friends passing through with us still. Begin to the loneliness that cannot end since it perhaps is what makes us begin, begin to wonder at unknown faces at crying birds in the sudden rain at branches stark in the willing sunlight at seagulls foraging for bread at couples sharing a sunny secret alone together while making good. Though we live in a world that dreams of ending that always seems about to give in something that will not acknowledge conclusion insists that we forever begin. by Brendan Kennelly.

E-PET-APH Gerbil Gerry made a mess When he got trapped in the trouser press It’s sad to say , the truth is that Both of us now feel quite flat. Poor old pet with a permanent crease, Gerry Gerbil, Pressed In Peace.

The Cow The Cow is of the bovine ilk, One end is moo, the other milk. by Ogden Nash.

My Father My father is a werewolf, Right now he’s busy moulting. He leaves his hair on stairs and chairs, It’s really quite revolting. And if my friends make comments [For some of them are faddy] I tell them it’s the cat or dog. I never say it’s daddy.

One Fine day in the Middle of the Night

One fine day in the middle of the night Two dead men got up to fight Back to back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other

It’s Dark in Here I am writing these poems&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; From inside a lion, And it’s rather dark in here. So please excuse the handwriting Which may not be too clear. But this afternoon by the lion’s cage I’m afraid I got too near. And I’m writing these lines From inside a lion, And it’s rather dark in here. Shel Silverstein.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;

If you don’t shake the bottle, None’ll come and then a lot’ll ......... Anon.

Up in Smoke Cornelius loved Chemistry It had a strange attraction The final words he spoke were ‘Sir, Is this a chain reaction?’ Paul Bright.

Running Above the tap it said ‘Run a long time&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; to get hot water.’ So I ran round the room for a really long time but I didn’t get any hot water. by Michael Rosen.

Heather Potts Heather Potts is awfully thin. She’s lighter than a feather, Which makes her interesting to watch In very windy weather. Cynthia Rider.

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