Underestimated Girl

Examples of books made by students in elementary / primary school - grades 1 to 5.

Elementary books

The boxing fight went for 10 minutes straight. It was very intense. Kesha's mom won the match. She was grateful to her daughter for convincing her not to give up. Kesha was in turn inspired to face her bully, Dinkin. She was a little worried though that if she lost, people would make fun of her and they might believe that only boys can be boxers. 

I Want to know how mom felt conquering her fears. Was she grateful to her daughter for reminding her women can do anything they want...just the same as men can? Stretch out the part about beating Dinkin a bit more.

Watercolor texture 2

I wrote this book for International Women's Day. I could have made a comic, but I think women and girls should have more than that, they do so, so, SO, much for this world and sometimes people don't even notice! This book probably took me 2 or 3 weeks to make.

tell me what you mean by women should have more than a comic. I think we can add a bit more to make it really clear

"That's great Kesha, don't let anyone stop you!" her mom said. Kesha didn't know why anyone would try to stop her.

I'm wondering if we should have a little drawing below of Kesha with question marks above her head

They got to the man. "Hey!" her mom shouted while tying her hair back. "I wasn't done with our last battle...I challenge you!"  "I remember you and your bad boxing moves... I accept" he said. Kesha's mom made the first move.

Maybe her mom says - remember me? We have unfinished business. I callenge you.

Purple polka dot border

Kesha's family was huddled together on the couch watching a boxing tournament on tv. She had been noticing that there were mainly men competing. She turned to her mom and said, "Mama, one day I also want to be a boxer."

Typically page numbers on on the bottom right. Could we move yours and also not have so close to the edge of the page?  I did an example here. If you like I suggest copy and paste the number on each new page. That way it will place it in the exact same spot. You just have to change the number. If you don't know what I mean I can show you Friday morning.

One little suggestion Can you draw this and do in your own handwriting to match the other pictures?

"What do you mean?" Kesha asked. "Boys will think your weak" he said. "But I'm not weak," she said sadly. Then Kesha walked away. Thoughts were racing through her mind.

thoughts were racing through her mind instead of going through her mind

She immediately knew who it was from. Mean Dinkin, Kesha thought. Thinks that he can stop me?! She threw the note in the trash and for the rest of the day avoided him.

I might add a sentence at the top.... She knew who it was from.

That was until Dinkin, the school bully, ran up to her. “Hey, you think you're strong? he asked with a sneaky smile. Kesha opened her mouth, but he spun around and walked away before she could defend herself.

I would add the word until and also how did the bully approach her? Until, Dinking the school bully ran up to her

I added on to the end of your sentence.... before she could defend herself.

NEW Maybe we should say students  stared at her as she walked by, but nobody said anything.

The next day she went to school wearing a t-shirt she designed that said, I WANT TO BOX. Good thing I took those art classes she thought. Students were staring at her as she walked by, but nobody said anything.

wearing a T-shirt she designed instead of with a T-shirt

did people stare in shock? People stared in shock, but nobody said anything.

Kesha knew where she had heard that phrase before... HER MOM! "Was her name Alice?" Kesha asked in shock. "Um....yes" he replied. "That's my mom" she whispered. "Your mom?" he asked confused.

"I guess after multiple days of his put downs, she started to believe him. On her last day, he challenged her to a match and she unfortunately lost. That was the last time I saw her."

As she thought about her mom, her confidence level rose. She entered the ring with Dinkin with a new determination. They kept on battling, but they were neck and neck and it seemed like nobody would win. The thought of other girls believing in themselves and wanting to become boxers, gave her the push. She did the finishing move and won!

Class was starting and she went into her desk looking for a pencil, but all she found was an unsigned note.  It read ‘Give up you're a girl!’ Nothing can stop me, Kesha thought. 

Class was starting and she went into her desk looking for a pencil., but all she found was an unsigned note.

Kesha is a girl that loves boxing. She thinks she can do it. She runs into some problems along the way and some secrets will be revealed. Will she let that stop her from pursuing her dream or will she succeed?

Maybe Kesha just points to the nice man as they walk by him. Maybe he says nice to see you back

They walked to the gym together. Kesha pointed out the man who told her the story about her mom. He waved. "Welcome back!" "Thank you!" Kesha's mom said.

NEW I changed from You're back to welcome back since her mom said thank you

maybe she would say I want to be a boxer enthusiastically!

Kesha didn't think much of it though. Then she walked to her brother Owen's room. "Owen, I want to be a boxer!" she said enthusiastically. "Ha, good luck with that" he said in a dismissive tone.

maybe Owen would say that in a dismissive tone (like he didn't believe she could do it?)

Kesha asked a man that was doing push-ups, "Have you ever seen a girl here other than me?" "Not in a long time” he answered. "There was this young woman who had been coming every other day, but then stopped suddenly." 

I changed then to than You also didn't need to say he said again so I took it out

Then it hit her. There were no girls in the gym. Zero. All men and boys. I really have to do something about this Kesha thought. Even the front desk people that sign you in are boys!

After school she went to the gym and put on her boxing gloves. She hit the punching bag a couple times. However, something didn't feel right. She thought to herself, my hair is tied back and I'm punching it right. What am I missing?

Are these her internal thoughts? Perhaps we can make that more clear? I changed the order around a bit.

"I think it was  my mom that came" Kesha said slowly." She's always telling me that." "Oh!" he said. "Sorry for bothering you" Kesha said to the man as she walked off in shock. "No problem!" he said. Then went back to doing his push-ups.

Maybe here Mom asks Kesha to go back to the gym with her because she wants to confront the mean man and prove to him and herself that she belongs there.

"YEAH! Mom I knew you would agree" Kesha yelled. "Yes, I will go up to the man that was being mean to me. I will do everything to beat him!" Kesha's mom wanted to prove to herself that she would not be defeated by one single person. She would always get back up.

NEW could you add a descriptive word before person... she would not be defeated by one_____ person Maybe use the thesaurus for mean and see what comes up

Now she was beginning to understand what her mom meant. Boys think girls can't do the same things. "I will do something to stop that!" she said to herself.

now she was beginning to understand what her mom meant. 

NEW I am not sure if the reader will no who "take me to him" is. Could you make it more clear? Maybe take me you know who or take me to that ______man (rude maybe?)

Describe how Kesha is feeling as her mom goes back and looks for the mean man.

"Please take me to that threatening man" "Got it!" he said quickly as he brought her to him. Kesha was watching her mom. She felt like her mom now ran the world. Kesha was beaming with pride!

NEW maybe add one last sentence. She was so proud or beaming with pride o

Typically page numbers on on the bottom right. Could we move yours and also not have so close to the edge of the page?

Kesha wondered why her mom didn't follow her own advice? She walked straight home and when got there she told her mom the whole story. "You went to the gym down the street?" "How did you....?" Her mom’s voice trailed off and she had a weird look on her face.

"Do you know why she left?" Kesha said, eager to know more. The man replied, "A man hurt her feelings," he said. "She would always say, 'Don't let anyone stop you’." 

NEW maybe it should say a man hurt her feelings.  I think later you call him the mean man

Have you noticed? What colour everyone is wearing in the story? PURPLE!!! Why? Because on International Women’s Day, you too should wear purple!!

What do you want to put on the back cover? Can you write a summary like we did for the Evil Book?

But even if a boy hurt your feelings, you always say don't let anyone stop you!" Kesha argued. "You can't just give up because of one bully!" Her mom sighed. "I was thinking of going back, but I worried other people would treat me different so I kept changing my mind. "You're right, Kesha." I will go back to that gym!" she said confidently.

I think you should add more here. Maybe Kesha convinces her mom to go back.  Maybe She tells her how she looks up to her and didn't give up with the bully was mean to her because of her mom You write something here

Kesha grew up and became a real boxer. She and her mom fought side by side and won most of their matches.  Kesha and her mom paved the way for many women in their community who began to show up and enter the boxing world.

Let's see if we can use a different word than she beat a lot of really good boxers. The way your story ends is important just like the beginning. We want it to be a strong ending.

Name

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