Loading...
I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a Boy and got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit.
But that's not true.
The truth is I got on the bus a boy.
And I never got off the bus.
I still haven't.
-Childish Gambino, That Power
Loading...
Copyright © CHS Chapbooks 2021. All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means without permission from CHS Chapbooks.Loading...
Loading...
I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a Boy and got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit.
But that's not true.
The truth is I got on the bus a boy.
And I never got off the bus.
I still haven't.
-Childish Gambino, That Power
Loading...
CONTENT WARNING: Parent sickness, Parent death
MY DAD IS STRONG
Recognize that people are irreplaceable individuals. There is only one of everyone in the world and you need to treat them as such. (DISCLAIMER: this will hurt you in the short term, break-ups and losing friends will be harder than ever but I promise you the melancholic love you’ll feel when you think back on them in time will be worth it)
And yet in that same vein, see how connections aren’t so easily broken. We aren’t connected to each other by one flimsy string but millions apon millions of teeny tiny threads. It’s nearly impossible to break all of them. My dad taught me that metaphor, but I perfected it. (Listen to the people who love you)
Now that you see those little threads that connect us, I want you to keep your eye on them. Always. Let yourself get tangled up in them and trip over them, but know the person on the other side of the threads will always be there to help you untangle them (Appreciate the little things, see the bigger picture)
And yet in that same vein, see how connections aren’t so easily broken. We aren’t connected to each other by one flimsy string but millions apon millions of teeny tiny threads. It’s nearly impossible to break all of them. My dad taught me that metaphor, but I perfected it. (Listen to the people who love you)
Now that you see those little threads that connect us, I want you to keep your eye on them. Always. Let yourself get tangled up in them and trip over them, but know the person on the other side of the threads will always be there to help you untangle them (Appreciate the little things, see the bigger picture)
Once you are ready, go find those people who are only a few threads away from breaking away from you. The people you always catch yourself double checking asking is that really them? When you see them on the bus or maybe the people you shoot quick glares at from across the room. Now, I can’t help you with this part because I don’t know you or the other person and like I said people are irreplaceable. The same goes for the connections we have. So no one else has ever really been in your situation before, which is really scary sometimes but I know you can do this. (Every connection is something never before done. It’s something so rare and beautiful that only you and the other person can ever really share. That makes you super special. Did you know that?)
But I’ll tell you a secret, okay? Real life is messy like and nothing ever goes as planned. And I promise that's okay. You gotta live your life, not mine. I lied really. Connections are only truly broken with time, and you have lots of that. If you run out of it, the past is forever so you can always borrow some of that. Just remember the melancholic love and the threads and how everyone is completely unique and one of a kind and how you gotta treat em like it and you’ll do fine. (I don’t always know what I'm talking about, no one does. Just remember to treat everyone with love and respect and they won’t care if you don’t know what you are saying.)
Don't go looking for a life of happiness but find what makes you happy. I did, it’s people. People make me happy. Can you tell? Then you just gotta live by that happiness. That’s it. (Do your homework, wash your face, kiss girls like you mean it. I’m proud of you.)
But I’ll tell you a secret, okay? Real life is messy like and nothing ever goes as planned. And I promise that's okay. You gotta live your life, not mine. I lied really. Connections are only truly broken with time, and you have lots of that. If you run out of it, the past is forever so you can always borrow some of that. Just remember the melancholic love and the threads and how everyone is completely unique and one of a kind and how you gotta treat em like it and you’ll do fine. (I don’t always know what I'm talking about, no one does. Just remember to treat everyone with love and respect and they won’t care if you don’t know what you are saying.)
Don't go looking for a life of happiness but find what makes you happy. I did, it’s people. People make me happy. Can you tell? Then you just gotta live by that happiness. That’s it. (Do your homework, wash your face, kiss girls like you mean it. I’m proud of you.)
Once you are ready, go find those people who are only a few threads away from breaking away from you. The people you always catch yourself double checking asking is that really them? When you see them on the bus or maybe the people you shoot quick glares at from across the room. Now, I can’t help you with this part because I don’t know you or the other person and like I said people are irreplaceable. The same goes for the connections we have. So no one else has ever really been in your situation before, which is really scary sometimes but I know you can do this. (Every connection is something never before done. It’s something so rare and beautiful that only you and the other person can ever really share. That makes you super special. Did you know that?)
But I’ll tell you a secret, okay? Real life is messy like and nothing ever goes as planned. And I promise that's okay. You gotta live your life, not mine. I lied really. Connections are only truly broken with time, and you have lots of that. If you run out of it, the past is forever so you can always borrow some of that. Just remember the melancholic love and the threads and how everyone is completely unique and one of a kind and how you gotta treat em like it and you’ll do fine. (I don’t always know what I'm talking about, no one does. Just remember to treat everyone with love and respect and they won’t care if you don’t know what you are saying.)
Don't go looking for a life of happiness but find what makes you happy. I did, it’s people. People make me happy. Can you tell? Then you just gotta live by that happiness. That’s it. (Do your homework, wash your face, kiss girls like you mean it. I’m proud of you.)
But I’ll tell you a secret, okay? Real life is messy like and nothing ever goes as planned. And I promise that's okay. You gotta live your life, not mine. I lied really. Connections are only truly broken with time, and you have lots of that. If you run out of it, the past is forever so you can always borrow some of that. Just remember the melancholic love and the threads and how everyone is completely unique and one of a kind and how you gotta treat em like it and you’ll do fine. (I don’t always know what I'm talking about, no one does. Just remember to treat everyone with love and respect and they won’t care if you don’t know what you are saying.)
Don't go looking for a life of happiness but find what makes you happy. I did, it’s people. People make me happy. Can you tell? Then you just gotta live by that happiness. That’s it. (Do your homework, wash your face, kiss girls like you mean it. I’m proud of you.)
Dreaming
I never dream, yet last night I dreamt of the people who I used to think were home. It was strange, because when I left them, I promised myself that I'd never go back. But I got so caught up in turning that spilled chocolate milk childhood of mine into art, that I reverted back. Back to that place where I was never quite at home, I go back back back back, so far back that I’m no longer writing like the art student I am. Back to finding myself at the back of an old yellow bus where I used to sit alone. But I open my eyes only to discover I’m next to my old best friend. But no, wait his face is so familiar he could be my brother and he smiles at me. So just like I used to, I peer over the seats to find myself surrounded by people I used to wish were faded memories and I know, I know, I know why I'm here. I don’t dream and I won’t go back, but I used to dream and children are creatures of habit. I’m sitting alone in my bathtub. I should be looking for a job— I’m nearly an adult. But I keep going back to those spots where I told people I always planned to lose those dreams I couldn't keep. I'm going back to old habits. I wonder how my old friends are doing. I wonder if they go back to those places too. I wonder if they tell all those new, better people about me. I don’t have the right to wonder or go back or dream, because I don’t tell the people I know now about the person that I used to be. I’m not focusing on the life I left them for. I'm scrolling through their Instagram feeds. I won’t even do them the favour of giving them names in this piece yet. Last night, last night, I dreamed about them, and I never dream. So I’m going back.