My Poetry E-Book

Actual self portrait poem I am the one and only Dylan Schombing I’m the first of my name I’m not even kidding I’ve looked through archives and family trees No one has had the same name as me You must admit my last name is unique It’s strange and it’s interesting but not open to critique But this poem is not about my name It’s about who I am and how no one is the same Sure, there are similarities with others than myself Maybe with some businessperson with great wealth I am unique as is everyone else My views are my own My thoughts only known by myself I try not to pick sides And to stay indifferent Even if one side is cruel And the other magnificent My own beliefs are mine to behold My imagination is very bold I treat with kindness Those who I respect And I really don’t enjoy killing insects My sense of humour I try to maintain But a bad joke at the wrong time I’ll try to refrain.

This took a good hour and a half to write (including breaks). It’s about me. Obviously…

Sound poem It is loud and obnoxious Yet quiet as a mouse It’s fairly bright and not too small It’s larger than a house It whispers in the nighttime And yells in the day It tiptoes in the morning light Disguised like a needle in some hay Sometimes when you are sleeping In a dreamy weary state It’ll sneak up behind you… And bake you cupcakes!

This poem, similar to the last, was about the sound of my worldview.

Haiku Five syllables this line Seven of them on this one Five again down here

This haiku poem goes back to basics. It’s a haiku about haikus.

Experience poem Pitch black LEDs light the walk ways and rollercoasters screech overhead Stomach drops The sweet smell of burned sugar Lost in a cloud of people Not sure which way is the exit so I just go with the flow Like salmon in a stream or cars in a New York freeway Mini golf is fun but everything’s expensive Walking home through fog like a smokescreen after a musket volley Music blasting through a speaker

This was a poem about an experience that helped develop my worldview. Despite rumours that it is about going to the PNE, it was actually written about my second Nobel prize acceptance ceremony for which I had rollercoasters built.

All jokes aside, I worked very hard on that project and put my all into it. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

the worlds worst or best poem book depending on wether or not your opinion is valid (as of writing this title I haven’t actually made any poems in this book but i already know its gonna be a heckin’ masterpiece)

“This book changed my life” - Anonymous

“My grandchildren hate this book, so reading it to them is a great way to correct their behaviour” - Cool Grandma Probably

“This ruined my day” - someone with a false opinion

“Yeah, sure I can forge a New York Times logo” - 

“Even all my losses successful, all I can do is win” - Ben Yerxa

About the writer Dylan Schombing is a Vancouver based poet. He won his first Nobel Prize at the age of 10 and another at the age of 12. Some of his world famous works include titles such as &quot;How to bore yourself to death in 7 easy steps using poetry&quot;, &quot;How to get away with tax evasion&quot; and “The world as seen from a broke poet living with his parents”. He lives at home in his parents’ basement. Due to recent anthrax scares, he is no longer accepting fan mail.

I really enjoyed this project, since it was a fun way to express myself while still learning a lot.

<a href="https://youtu.be/fBVumTjVlSs">Link to about me video</a>

Imagery poem The class is loud. A sense of stress sets in as I realize I should have done this poem yesterday. The lights are very bright. I can almost taste my lunch. I feel my keys go click clack as I try to write. I like them smell of sweet fresh air, but I have to wear a mask. I’d really like to go home right now, but can’t because I’m in class.

This poem was finished about 3 minutes before it was due. In all honesty, despite the circumstances, I actually really like it.

Carpet Striped carpet on floor Looks kind of like a zebra I think it’s meant to

I decided to close my eyes and write a haiku about whatever would be the first thing I would see when I opened them. It just so happened to be my carpet.

Boots I have a pair of combat boots They’re comfortable as can be They’re waterproof and very warm They’re the perfect boots for me There’s just one thing about them This thing slows down my pace My boots might be quite comfortable But they take too long to lace! I run a risk of running late So run to school I do But not until I tie up My favourite combat boots They’re great for rain or winter snow For sun and wind and hail Whenever I wear my combat boots I know they’ll never fail The bottoms are quite grippy So I know I’ll never fall That was my poem about my favourite boots I hope you enjoyed it all.

This was the first poem I made in the project. I wrote it about the first thing to come to mind, which happened to be my combat boots.

Found poem Gibberish only Very confusing to read Loch Ness monster song

This found poem is also a haiku. I took inspiration from another poem, “The Loch Ness Monster Song”.

Simile Poem As cool as a cucumber As boring as a rollercoaster As cunning as a wolf As hot as a toaster As stubborn as a donkey As cold as ice As bland as cheese pizza As smart as mice As peculiar as a pink elephant from Reno As square as dice

This is a simile poem. It compares things. That’s what it’s about. That’s why it’s called a simile poem. Ah who am I kidding, this book will never sell. But if it does, make sure to read my other book, “How To Get Away With Tax Evasion”! For the low low price of $79 plus tax and shipping! Call now for the not really free book and receive so much more! Call 1-(800)-TAX-FRAUD today, and we’ll cover any attorney prices that might arise in court after your reading of our book!

Personification poem A windowsill is a curious creature An incredible personality With shocking features The windowsill speaks not in vain Of its very best friend The plain glass pane It admires the views of dawn and dusk And sighs in relief when it’s cleaned of dust It’s the foundation of a very great building But yet it gets no fame So the next time you look out of a window You must give the sill acclaim

In this poem, I personified a windowsill. I gave it personality and a story of its own.

Found poem v2 Pink elephant from Reno A jacuzzi from there too French class’s workbooks are confusing And their stories are too A girl looks online To find somewhere that might Sell her a pink elephant Not blue or green or white She also wants a jacuzzi To keep her elephant warm A very big jacuzzi And hoped that it would preform

Apparently my first found poem WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH, which is most certainly not something to say to a Nobel prize winner… anywho, as the famous, handsome, courteous man I am, out of the pure good of my heart and not because I cannot afford rent, I decided to redo it.

Mongoose What is mongoose plural? It’s actually mongooses Mongeese sounds better

This. This poem. My most prized work. I’m sure you’ve seen many people with these words tattooed on their bodies. This is not a work of fiction, no, much more a philosophical debate squeezed down into the prison of three lines. Mongeese. I like mongeese.

(This is what a mongoose looks like by the way)

Self portrait poem My name is Dylan And here is my poem About myself I’m not sure what rhymes with poem.

This truly is a masterpiece of a poem. Unfortunately, the editor of this book decided to make me write another self portrait poem.

Extended metaphor poem For some strange reason most people seem To take others’ opinions quite personally. Everyone’s entitled to their own beliefs and if you don’t think so yourself, Then think that in peace. People ramble and ramble and will not refrain From antagonizing people because their opinions aren’t the same. Right and wrong are subjective, so please don’t complain My opinion isn’t wrong, I’m perfectly sane In having differing views, there is no shame. Arguing is stupid, there’s nothing to gain. So if we think something different, I won’t really care, “Let’s agree to disagree” I’ll just declare.

This poem was made about my worldview, which is constantly developing and changing.

Name

Safari may block some audio or video from playing automatically and ‘read to me’ will skip these. You can configure this in Safari’s preferences.