Part Time Santas Collection, back stories.

Part Time Santas Collection

Marble

Santa ‘Lykai’ (as he is known to the children) is very popular. This is perhaps because few can actually understand him. Santa Lykai’s virulent diatribes against the Turks and Macedonians make up much of his responses to the children who ask him for gifts. He does this with a gentle, smiling demeanor and the kids just feel good being with him.&nbsp;

Santa Bob teaches high school math and gives children an extra Christmas wish if they would like him to calculate the height of their parents without using a ruler. So far, no takers. Children leave Santa Bob’s chair sure their wishes will be granted and with a passing knowledge of the practical uses of trigonometric functions.

Santa Seebold is keenly interested in logistics and will explain, at length, his schematics for a 24 hour trans-world delivery system powered by ruminants with adjusted outcomes for the substitution of canines and water fowl.

Sherbert™ is the trademarked clown name of Bert Crusti, former paralegal. Bert performs throughout the year as Santa Sherbert™, Sherbert the Egg Bunny™, Lenten Sherbert (The Clown You Can Do Without)™, Sherbert the Suffragette™ (Women’s History Month), Sargeant Sherbert™ (Veterans’ Day) and as a multicutural balloon artist, Rainbows Sherbert™. Additional holiday incarnations available upon request.

Santa Ana is a practicing Druid. He is practicing because, loving social media, fast food and anything from the 60’s, he has yet to get it right.

Santa Guts is from a German circus family. After a youth and early career spent swallowing flaming swords while riding bareback, Santa Guts now entertains children by drinking extremely hot chocolate and belching lines from Christmas carols. There is a patina of sadness to Santa Gus.

Santa Molly is a gun enthusiast, free speech activist and staunch believer in the healing power of hatchet throwing. She met her third husband Jebimiah (PTS 2021) in a production of Annie Get Your Gun. Molly left the cast once she realized that the musical was a love story and not an actual call to arms.

In his first year in the job, Santa Paulie is very vague about his pre-Santa days. He tells the children who visit him vague stories of ‘that thing we did’ and warns them that ‘snitches get stitches’. He then sends them on their way with admonitions about the importance of family and tells them to “take the candy cane, leave the cannoli”. Santa Paulie does not allow pictures.

Santa Dusty is an avid baker, professional exterminator and truly gentle person. Each of his customers receives, as a thank you, a small loaf of bread or plate of macarons. It would break his heart to know that these treats are never eaten.&nbsp;

Santa Kevin’s career as a rock and roll bassist for The Velvet Underpants never took off due to a copyright related ‘Cease and Desist’ order. Still, he can be heard (unattributed) on Winchester Cathedral by the New Vaudeville Band. Once this Santa gig is over, Santa Kevin fully expects to be getting the band back together.

Stan never got over the first breakup of Grand Funk Railroad. He camped out for two days to be first in line for tickets to the kickoff for their 2020 American Tour at the Mifflinville Fireman’s Carnival, a laudable but, it turns out, completely unnecessary effort.

Santa Bummer, as the children call him when out of hearing, is an advocate of parents. With every child’s request comes a query of the waiting parents as to their approval and their child’s behavior. No candy cane is given without being wrapped in a mild and well intentioned admonishment. Santa Bummer is a memorable Santa and his house has been ‘tp’d’ by middle schoolers more than any on his street.

During a near death experience caused by a bad batch of homemade potato vodka, Santa Casi was told to return to earth to bring joy to the children of the world. Feeling that what children enjoy is what he feels they need, Santa Casi keeps strict military discipline in his wait lines. He expects efficient requests and crisp salutes from the little holiday soldiers. Santa Casi also works as a school crossing guard, a mall security ‘officer’ and is working toward an Associate’s degree in parking lot management.

“Moondog” Stanley

Santa Moondog marks the start of his Santa career to August 15, 1969, the opening day of the Woodstock Music Festival. Moondog’s birth name was Malcom Stanley, and he grew up in an extremely conservative home. Thinking that long hair was a sign of moral decay, that Aquarians wanted men to marry men and that ‘Yasgar’ sounded like a Russian name, he traveled to Woodstock, NY to protest what sounded like a large orgy of possible communists. He ended up stuck in traffic and never made it in the gate to the festival. He did however, get high for the first time. Thanks to a reefer laced with hashish and LSD, Moondog, between 8:45 and 11:18 pm, saw God, learned of the universal oneness of all beings, had a deep, soulful conversation with a magenta crab and got one half of a shared ‘friendship’ tattoo (again with God.) All children leave Santa Moondog’s chair thinking that Olivia Newton John performed at Woodstock because “I was there, Man.”

Santa Doobie owns and runs a home based medical marijuana growing and delivery business in partnership with T.J.Markle. (Part Time Santas 2021). While his product is quite good, profits are fairly thin as Doobie often gets lost on deliveries and has misplaced eight bicycles. During his shifts, Angels We Have Heard on High plays in a continuous loop.

Patrick ‘The Beast’ O’Boyle is a three time winner of the Last Santa Standing North Pole Rumble (Motto: No gloves. No rules. No reindeer.) Santa The Beast’s Facebook page is full of photos of the children and families he has bench pressed.

Santa Sandolph is known for pulling candy canes out of children’s ears, conjuring paper reindeer out of thin air and warding balrogs away from Christmas trees. Once known as Sandolph the Gray, having changed from home made detergents, he is now known as Sandolph the White.

Santa Lefty, who also manages the Dollar General store in Iola, PA married young. His wife is an avid writer to the 30 Seconds column in the local paper. Lefty works 3 nights a week as Santa, serves on two church committees (Monday and Wednesday nights) and is a volunteer caller at his fire company’s Saturday Night Bingo. His Friday evenings are clear if anyone needs any help.

Santy Fatta (as he is known in the break room) does not like children or Christmas. No one is actually sure why he is, in fact, a Santa. The only conversation that passes between Santa Lipoma and his visitors or co-workers is about other Santas. He seems particularly interested in Santas who have been in the job less than two years.

As a staunch Communist, Santa Mark was drawn to his job because of the color of the costume. He feels that Santa is the opiate of the people and plays The International through his Beats Pill speaker instead of Christmas carols. As they leave, his young petitioners are reminded that their gift pile rests on the broken bodies of the workers.

‘Big Don’ was a fly weight Golden Gloves boxing champion in his early 20’s. He now trains other fighters and has a 20% interest in the winnings of Patty ‘The Beast’ O’Boyle. ‘Big Don’ is 4’3” tall and has a rich baritone voice.

Yegor Vasilyevich Prygorin

The word for Santa Barcus is ‘stolid’. He is implacable, slow to speech and simply replies to all wishes “Santa is willing”.

Santa Yegor is something of a Russian spiritualist. He is enigmatic in his replies to requests and often simply states, ‘Santa pravdu vidzet da ne skoro znayet.’ (Roughly…’Santa sees everything… but that doesn’t mean he’ll do anything.’)&nbsp;

Santa Mr. Winston is less interested in Steampunk than he is in not throwing away anything (and we mean anything) An inveterate pack rat, Santa Mr.’s arguments with his wife have lessened since he began wearing his collection of old gears, sprockets and goggles rather than leaving them around the house.

Having been involved in numerous fender benders and having been sued in Small Claims Court more times than he cares to remember, Santa Joseph filed to register himself as a Limited Liability Company. He did this, thinking that it would shield him from lawsuits and limit his financial judgements. Sadly, it did not. Santa Joseph picks up as many Santa shifts as he can.

Leopold is in the ninth year of an associated degree in literature, needing only to finish a term paper on Samuel Beckett. Children often cry after their visit to Santa Leopold.

Santa Flapps is the manager of Clausen’s Mini Mart in Nescopeck, PA. As a philosophy minor at what was then the Bloomsburg Teachers’ College, Clancy was particularly enamored of the Buddhist concept of karma and attaining perfection by chanting a few, simple phrases over and over.&nbsp; Santa Flapps spends his days saying “Welcome to Clausen’s Mini Mart”, “Thanks and you have a great day” and his evenings repeating “Well now, what do you want for Christmas?”

Santa Ethelred in the pharmacy department of the Frackville CVS. He neither drinks nor does drugs, is happily married with three children in elementary school and is a cub scout leader for Pack 24. Ethelred also loves figure skating and is brought to tears each and every time Alisa Liu enters the ice.

Glismoda actually dislikes the color black. She is from a long line of part time Santas and spent no small part of her holiday childhood waiting for her uncle, Bert Crusti (Part Time Santas 2021 Series), to stop handing out business cards and give her a ride home. Glismoda’s goth inspired Santa costume has distanced her from her uncle, which is sort of what was intended.

“It’s just ‘Z’, man.” In this dimension, Z performs as Santa from November 27-December 24. He can also be experienced as a plasmic fog bank in Bode’s Galaxy from March 3 - April 22 and viewed as the primary DJ avatar in the Ramadan post party in block 99 of Decentraland, May 2-4. Z asks that all tips be sent in MANA crypto.

Russell Bartran began working as a part time Santa during college as part of a Master’s Thesis in Philosophy. Russell wished to demonstrate that he could both be and not be Santa act the same time and that if Santa did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. The tattoo on his right forearm states “We are what we repeatedly do. Santa then is not an act but a habit.”

Vilhelm - Vilhelm was born and raised in County Cork, Ireland where he developed an abiding belief in “the little people,” more commonly known as leprechauns. Fate was on his side when as rather short young man, Vilhelm fulfilled his longtime dream of being a ‘professional’ leprechaun, appearing at children’s birthday parties by day, pubs by night, and making a killing on St. Patrick’s Day appearances. Sidelined from this career by an unfortunate penchant for drink, Vilhelm began to explore other holiday characters he might ‘represent’. Working his way through the Christian cannon he did gigs as the Easter Bunny for several years until the weight of the costume became too much for him. Approaching his later years, Vilhelm recognized that playing “The Big S” would be the culmination of his career. At age 68 he undertook dialect lessons in order to more accurately fulfill the image of Santa Claus as an American capitalist. He eventually moved to American where he secured seasonal work at Sears and Roebuck just a year before the franchise folded. Vilhelm can now be found ringing the kettle bell for the Salvation Army outside the Bergen, NJ WalMart.

Kipling - “Skip” Kipling is a retired lobster fisherman who found a new use for his “awesome beard” by becoming Santa in his hometown of Damariscotta, Maine. He calls Santa’s cottage his “man cave” and is known for handing out homemade lobster flavored candy canes.

Sid is a children’s entertainer and very popular with children of overly earnest parents. The highlight of each Sid Pleasant gig is his slightly re-written cover of the Punk anthem Everything Sucks! (Everything Suds!) which kicks off the party’s huge bubble fight.

Santa Durdge is a Santa by preference and an undertaker by profession. He reminds his little charges that every birth they celebrate implies a death. Religious mythology aside, he informs his little petitioners that he too has seen bodies come back to life. Durdge sees himself as a lighthearted guy and cannot understand why families do not seem to appreciate his sense of humor. It is hard to describe Santa Durdge’s voice although the word ‘sepulchral’ does offer itself.&nbsp;

Santa Jacob does not use technology, other than his new iPhone 13 Pro (which he only uses for work and which, he tells his friends, is ‘schee seiss“ (pretty sweet) and as far as downloading images of draft gauls goes,&nbsp; it ‘dabber schprings (goes fast) fer sure’.) Santa Jacob is keenly interested in what devices the children who visit him are carrying and which new apps they find ‘am beschde’ (the best).&nbsp; He would only use these apps, of course, for work.

In his youth, Santa Fubar owned and operated a head shop by the same name in Wichita Falls, Texas. That lasted until the beginning of disco. Santa Fubar still can’t bring himself to watch Saturday Night Fever. He decided to move to Pennsylvania when his car broke down outside of Shenandoah. Fubar now works as a short order cook at Happy Dan’s Pan and Flan (Part Time Santas 2021). When he is feeling down, Santa Fubar pulls the shades, dons his bell bottoms, Nehru jacket, peace medal and lip synchs Joe Cocker’s ‘I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends’.

Santa Beuca is a devout vegetarian. She reminds kids that sugar cookies are not meat.

Santa Lefty used to work for Kershner’s Sawmill in Briar Creek, PA. He was known among his fellow workers for only two eccentricities; wearing his wedding ring on his right hand and his collection of ‘What’s the Worst That Could Happen?” t-shirts.

Santa D loves to tell children the evolution of their Christmas celebration, how tree worship has a long history in pagan cultures and how other holidays, such as December 21, the Night Harold Doerschler was born, sprang from our Christmas but never survived as holidays themselves. He has a long running dispute with those who consider Christmas a religious holiday as he feels it has evolved through natural choice and societal forces.

Reginald Waddington Prescott the Fourth

Reginald Waddington Prescott the Fourth (who goes by the street name ‘Reggie Waddington Prescott the Fourth) sees himself as an edgy, 'push the envelope' type of person. In the last month he has listened to jazz on the radio and driven once without his seatbelt.

Santa Captain makes his living running a flounder boat for tourists in Cape May, NJ from May through September. Kids visiting Santa Captain must ask to be brought on board and reply “Aye Captain” to any question about their off board behavior. Santa Captain truly does enjoy the little swabs and, in his five year career, has only threatened to keelhaul three of the scurvy little bilge sucking, lily livered sons (and daughters) of biscuit eaters.

Santa Boop collects lava lamps, black light posters and still lives in his mom’s basement. His mother sees him as a creative boy and hopes, he will ‘rekindle the romance he had with that nice nice girl’ he corresponded with (twice) in middle school and then give her grandchildren. Boop is 63, just started Social Security and listens only to authentic vinyl from the years 1968-74.&nbsp;

Santa Karl once loved a woman who left him on Christmas eve. Children who visit Santa Karl hear his wish after they deliver theirs.&nbsp;

Samuel “Mr.” Rouser constantly refers to himself in the third person. Mr. Rouser does not think that Christmases are what they once were or that children appreciate how lucky they are to live in a country with indoor heating. Mr. Rouser feels children should quietly wait until they are invited to sit on Santa’s lap. Mr. Rouser also fills his pockets with free Christmas cookies when unobserved.

Wander Bryant works very hard to grow his own Santa’s Super Vegan Diet and Claus’ Cotton Only lifestyle consultancy business and sees himself as an influencer. Those he has influenced so far are his elderly mother and 4 siblings, who no longer speak to him.

Toulan Friese lives off the grid and is the only Part Time Santa that always smells like wood smoke. His&nbsp;TPC (time per child) is a bit longer than most as he asks “Now what is that?” to almost every child’s request.

Santa Mel does not have a lot of return engagements.

Santa Bill is a high school drama teacher who ‘trods the immortal boards’ as Santa during the holiday season. His students never tire of his one man performance of the Tragedy of King Lear (fall semester, weeks 4-6). Kids who visit Santa Bill are often advised to ‘reason not the need’.

In addition to being a part time Santa, Santa Gary manages the Kitchen Supplies department at Kohl’s. Children visiting Santa Gary get a candy cane, two Hershey’s Kisses and a 10% off coupon for any Cuisinart product which is good until December 28.

Although not a Christian nor in fact, religious, Santa Ezekial does share many traits with the Pentecostals. Children visiting Santa Ezekial will often hear their wishes responded to in tongues, receive various holiday prophecies, be ‘healed’ of owies and have their material desires exorcized from the dross of their mortal bodies. They also receive the gift of learning that the shortest lines do not necessarily correspond to the best rides.

Balor the White, magician

Santa Balor loves the magic of Christmas, that and pulling candy canes out of children’s ears. He’s not terribly good at it and has become inured to the taunts of the young ones still in line. Balor feels children are at heart, miserable, little wretches. Still, it’s the only gig he can get.

Santa Bansen is a bank teller during the week and an avid steampunk enthusiast on the weekends. Known in local Steampunk circles for his thick, red glasses, Stanta Tadge has broken his nose three times by walking into trees, poles and once, a delivery truck during Steampunk gatherings.

Clancy Flapps: Santa Flapps is the manager of Clausen’s Mini Mart in Nescopeck, PA. As a philosophy minor at what was then the Bloomsburg Teachers’ College, Clancy was particularly enamored of the Buddhist concept of karma and attaining perfection by chanting a few, simple phrases over and over.&nbsp; Santa Flapps spends his days saying “Welcome to Clausen’s Mini Mart”, “Thanks and you have a great day” and his evenings repeating “Well now, what do you want for Christmas?”

A graduate of the College of Inverness, Santa Ian is a hard drinking, amateur poet, when not holding the wee bairns on his lap. He often warns his petitioners that “the best laid schemes of kids and kin gang aft agley”. Self published on Smashwords.com, the memoir of his Santa days is entitled “Och Ian, ye wisht for a wish an they gave ye a stain”. (Extra nog for anyone who can unravel that joke.)

Santa Farley rides his bicycle ‘Donner’ to work each day, regardless of the weather. Because of a high fasting blood sugar level, Santa Farley holds himself to four Christmas cookies per shift. Cookies shared halfsies with children do not count.

Henry Capouch

Henry is a driver for Schwan’s Dairy and spends his days in a refrigerated truck. He repeatedly asks his little clients if they feel ‘it’s a little warm in here?’.

Santa Speed’s best days were when he played halfback on his high school football team. He is now the minister of a small but fervent congregation where the choir sings his own compositions; Punt Me Jesus (over the defensive line of mine enemies), You Can’t Have Too Many Players on the Field (if the Holy Ghost is your twelfth man) and Is Satan Your Cheerleader? Santa Speed will throw a candy cane to a child if they go long and cut right.

Green House Publishing is a division of Green House (very ) Ltd, along with: Green House Dehydrated Delicacies, makers of Tater Shards™ (Just pop 'em in your mouth and after a while, you can chew on them!) and Choco Brownie Sticks!™ (Just like brownies but a lot, lot drier.) Safe 2 You Green House Scented Olive Oil Products™ (Motto: We threw out the first batch because we found they might grow botulism toxins (true story) but this batch should work).

See the Part Time Santa Collection book online at: www.boxoflight.org/pts or by using the QR code at the right.

Your Santa is part of Not Enough Resin®’s Part Time Santa Collection™,™, each Santa comes with a full backstory, available upon request (staff time and inclination allowing). A brief insight into your Santa’s character accompanies your Part Time Santa head. The Part Time Santa Collection™, is a non-fungible product of Not Enough Resin®, which is a division of Too Much Resin® which is wholly owned and operated by Green House Creatives Intl. Ltd, LLC. Each Part Time Santa is hand crafted and painted by NER (Not Enough Resin®) staff, working in humane conditions (usually while sipping grape juice spritzers and watching crime dramas on BritBox). Each handcrafter is TMTOTH certified (Too Much Time On Their Hands). These Santas are based upon actual individuals who, after performing as Santa for over 2,000 kids, have received their Part Time Santa Degree (PTSD).

The Part Time Santa Collection iBook is downloadable to Apple computers and devices.

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