Book Creator

The Tabard

by Doug Blackburn

Pages 6 and 7 of 21

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YOU Don't Need Anyone!
--JBE
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The influence of a significant male role model starts in early childhood. Having a strong figure for support and guidance increases our ability to form trusting relationships and builds our capacity to interact positively with others.
Continuing to fail as a mother to a son that lost his father at the time he needed him most. It taught me that I don't need anyone, I can take care of myself and the ones around me. It showed me that I was the backbone of my family after my fathers passing. Somehow for 2 weeks out of every month I was financially supporting her, the other 2 weeks we had the social security checks that paid the bills. After that I was on my own working 35 plus hours a week while in school. Still getting used by my own mother. I wouldn't have had a problem if she would've let me take care of the stuff we needed, but I guess she believed that her wants came before our needs. I still made it work. I couldn't deal with the stress she put on me at fourteen-seventeen because she thought she had always had it on her. It has not and was never on her. She taught me that it is always somebody else’s fault not yours. She taught me how to lie, she taught me how to
connive, she taught me that everybody was against me, she taught me how to manipulate people, then used it against me. I guess you could say she showed me the world before I wasn’t even able to understand but it never felt right. I would not listen to her, she always said I was the worst and I was just like my father. I realized at a young age she was not right. I realized she had nothing for me and that she saw I was different so she tried to ruin me. She tried so hard to ruin my name. She tried everything she could to keep me in this town. She wanted me to stay by her side and make her look better knowing she didn't do any of the good that raised me. She was glad when my father passed, because she saw me actually struggle and she attacked me while I was at my lowest point in life. At the age of fourteen my father passed and he left us a good amount of money. I always questioned why he was working so much and why he was never home. I realized it on March 14, 2020. He knew he was sick, he didn't think there was anything the doctors could do to help. No I didn't need him but I wanted him to be home to stop her from doing what she was doing. He was at every game I played, he was at most of the school events I was in. He took care of us, and mother’s drug abuse/addiction. He made it work, it made him work constantly. Going in at five a.m. and coming home at eleven p.m. He never once complained about it even though I saw the hate in his eyes, the struggle, the grief.
Nobody tried to help, when someone did Misty pushed and pushed till they stopped. She pushed everyone away, even her side of the family. I hated her for him. I still do to this day, I know she has her mental issues but she doesn't want to get better. My father taught me the most valuable lesson I think anyone can learn: it's that you do not need someone to help you. It is easier with someone that has the same wants and motivation that you do, but no matter what you should never give up, never stop wanting what you want. My father was a man of few words, but everything he taught me has stuck with me through the years. During his funeral, of course I was dead inside, I was emotionally stuck, I had no other choice but to cry… Yet, time and time again she never fails to make it about herself, telling me to suck it up. From that day on I knew that I would and could never truly love the woman that birthed me again. The next three years felt like the worst place on Earth. I did everything in my power to stay away. I practically lived with my brother that summer, and everyday I didn't go to school on the hybrid days. She just couldn't stand someone else finishing/fixing what she tried to raise. She again pushed him away and blamed it on him and the child that wasn't even born yet. She had everyone of her boyfriends try to be my father–I didn't let that stand once. I was friends with one, but he knew that he wasn't and couldn't be my father. He never went outside his boundaries. She tried to make him. He would not.
One day I just got tired of it to the max, so my sister left while i was at work. Misty came to my work place and said, "Do I want my stuff?" and I said “yes now leave me alone”. We went to our brothers and stayed there for about a week, then she forced us to come back. I called DSS multiple times to get us out. All they did was check the house. Never questioned us or anything. One day my mother planted weed in the car I drove to school. She had it searched but she moved the car off school property so I wasn't held responsible. That day was not fun, the school called DSS and told them basically misty abandoned us, and that they weren't allowed to let us leave with anyone. They tried to get her to let us stay with our brother for the time being but she was not ok with that. My sister and I stayed in a group home for about three days before the state gave custody to my brother. We have been there every day since.
The entire moral of the story is I have had a rough few years and I have still pulled through and somehow kept going after I've seen the worst of life at a young age. Nobody should have to bury their parents at that age, but if one day you do they would not want you to stop pushing even if you basically are doing it alone and raising your little sibling at the same time.
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artwork by Edmund Guthrie, Jayla Searles and Noah Self