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Portfoiloi

by Brock

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The Human and the Ant

The human and the ant
So small in size
Yet large, in impact
No one worries about you
Until you ruin their picnic
You risk being squashed everyday
Yet you work as hard as you can
Small by yourself
Large with others
You always skitter across the ground
In a hurry to get somewhere
You work with others
To help your colony survive
You fight others from different colonies
And mourn the lives that were lost
Who knew how similar humans are
To an ant
Where Nightmares Sleep

This bed -
The blanket thrown to the side,
The wrinkled sheets,
The pillow covered in sweat -
is where nightmares sleep during the day
And wake up at night
To infiltrate the mind of an individual
Who wishes life could be better
Thinking of past mistakes
And worrying about the future
It only makes things worse
This is where nightmares sleep during the day
No Effort

I awake on the couch in my living room. The room is dimly lit by the stars outside the window. I sit up and check my phone for the time. It’s exactly midnight. I stay still for a moment, waiting for something to make a sound. After what felt like a minute, I checked my phone again. It’s still midnight. It feels like time has crawled to a halt. 

I suddenly become paranoid that someone is watching me. I’ve learned to tell myself to get over it in situations like these, but I couldn’t this time. It felt like someone was waiting for me to find them. I get off the couch and start to walk towards the kitchen, to find an explanation of what was happening. Am I dreaming? Was I transported to some alternate dimension, where time didn’t exist and I was trapped in an endless void? The latter seemed unrealistic, but I wanted to find out anyway.

I hear the doorbell ring. It felt like I jumped ten feet into the air out of surprise. I walk toward the door while drenched in sweat. I was scared of what was behind the door. I feared for the worst. Every step I took felt like I was one step closer to my demise.

I unlatch the peephole and look through. I see a dark, swirling cloud of gas, with two glowing white eyes. The longer I looked at those eyes, the more it felt like my own were melting. “Hello,” it said in a croaky voice. “I have come for an explanation. You are here to give me an explanation.”
“An explanation to what?” I ask. 

“To why you are what you are now,” it said. “More specifically, why are you alone?”
 I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean alone? I have a family, so I don’t think I’m completely alone.”

“Do you have any friends?” he says. It feels like his stare keeps getting even more intense. It feels like he’s trying to get me to spill my guts in front of him.

“Yeah, I mean, I talk to people usually.” I already know where this conversation is going: he’s going to shame me for not having any friends and being a degenerate or something. Yippee.

“Friends and classmates are separate from one another. One of them you have a connection with, and the other one, you don’t.” At this point, I’m just waiting for him to stop talking so I can figure out what the hell is going on. “Your problem is that you don’t put effort into talking. You would rather end a conversation quickly instead of trying to make a connection with the other person.”
Thanks dad, I thought. “It’s not my fault I’m like this. I’m just too shy to strike up a conversation with anyone.”

“No, you aren’t.” I backed away from the peephole as his stare became too intense to handle. “You had enough confidence to walk up to this door. You didn’t even know what was behind this door. You have plenty of confidence. You just have to try.”

I look back into the peephole. “Uh, I guess I’ll try talking to people more then.”
“Good. Now-”

“By the way, have you ever thought about becoming a motivational speaker?” 

As soon as I finished my sentence, His white eyes engulfed everything around me. It felt like my body was disintegrating, only leaving my consciousness in an empty, now white void. He must have not liked my sarcasm. 

I wake up in my bed, drenched in sweat. For some reason, it felt like my eyes were opened to a whole new world. Before the strange dream, I never really took the time to reflect on myself, which ended up in me blaming everything on others. Maybe it’s my fault for who I am. Maybe I should just try a little harder.
Thanks dad, I thought. “It’s not my fault I’m like this. I’m just too shy to strike up a conversation with anyone.”

“No, you aren’t.” I backed away from the peephole as his stare became too intense to handle. “You had enough confidence to walk up to this door. You didn’t even know what was behind this door. You have plenty of confidence. You just have to try.”

I look back into the peephole. “Uh, I guess I’ll try talking to people more then.”
“Good. Now-”

“By the way, have you ever thought about becoming a motivational speaker?” 

As soon as I finished my sentence, His white eyes engulfed everything around me. It felt like my body was disintegrating, only leaving my consciousness in an empty, now white void. He must have not liked my sarcasm. 

I wake up in my bed, drenched in sweat. For some reason, it felt like my eyes were opened to a whole new world. Before the strange dream, I never really took the time to reflect on myself, which ended up in me blaming everything on others. Maybe it’s my fault for who I am. Maybe I should just try a little harder.
To sit alone

As I sit alone
In this empty room, just me
I look out the glass

I am alone here
Everyone is happy, joy
Does not exist here

Why do I chose to be
Here, instead of outside with
Them, and not alone?

I can’t control it
I have the skill, but not the
Courage to do it.

When I step outside
My mind overflows with thoughts
Of how people think

I am used to it
I should not be, but I am
I’ll just stay alone

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