A hedgehog follows her dreams to make a journey to the sea.

Muffin at the Sea

At last one day, she decided to go see the sea for herself. But Muffin was a timid hedgehog, so she wanted some company to go with her. Muffin's best friend, Elvis the Weasel, had the measles* and was home in bed. "Elvis the Weasel," said Muffin, "Will you come with me so see the sea?" But Elvis the Weasel felt woozy and queasy. "I don't see why you would want to see the sea," said Elvis the Weasel, "when it is so much nicer to sit right here in bed eating soup and watching TV ... Why see a sea if you see a TV?" So Muffin left Elvis watching Weasel of Fortune on TV and went on down the road. * Weasel Measles -- not to be confused with Moose Mumps, Beaver Fever, Gnu Flu, or Chicken Pox.

The Crashing Boar settled in to tell a long tale* about its adventures, but the sea song was so close now that Muffin turned and ran as fast as she could straight through the forest in the direction of it. She finally burst through the last bushes onto the edge of the beach. * although it seemed shorter because of the curl.

It was morning when Muffin got home. The other field creatures watched her return, weary and footsore, but smiling in a curious way they didn't understand. "Well," snapped a snapping turtle* sitting in a mud puddle in a ditch. "So, after all that trouble you are just back where you started from." "Yes," said Muffin, "but now everything is different because now I have seen the sea." And then she had breakfast. The end. *Snapping turtles snap because Velcro had not been invented yet when this story happened.** ** Last Tuesday.

This work is released under a <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/">Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International</a> license.

Katherine Hedgepig, Ph.D. is a retired professor of sociology at Colorado College. 

Muffin yelped "yikes!" and jumped back, but the Crashing Boar saw her and smiled benevolently. "Ah," the Crashing Boar said. "Naturally, you are excited. But I am always happy to see an admirer -- and you have come all this way just to see me!" "Well," said Muffin, "actually I am on a journey to the sea." "Pull up a stump,* my friend," said the Crashing Boar. "Fortunately, I am unengaged at the moment and have time to tell you the amusing stories of my own various journeys. I am really the most fascinating raconteur!"*** * You may wonder how Muffin could pull up a stump. With a bulldozer.** ** A male cow who says he is reading the newspaper. *** A raconteur is a French raccoon.

No sooner was Muffin deep into the forest than she began to ominous* noises. Suddenly, out from the bushes by the side of the path burst the terrible BADGERER!!! * An Ominous is a large transport conveyance, often found in cities, that can carry many people at once. In London, they are double-decker.** In Literature, they are collections. ** Like club*** sandwiches. *** Which are used to play golf.

Sometimes Muffin put one toe into the forest, but she never went all of the way in* and she certainly never went all the way through the forest right to the edge of the sea. She had never seen the sea. But sometimes she dreamed of it. She imagined that she could hear it, very faintly, in the distance. * She never went all the way into the forest because she had heard that there were fearful stoats and badgerers** in it. ** Bedgerers are very pushy creatures who ask the same question over and over again and pester you and nag*** you. *** A nag is a very old horse.

Muffin was scared. Only a nitwit* is never scared. But having come this far, Muffin felt that she would regret it forever if she didn't go on. She stopped a moment to listen for the sound of the sea. That's when she heard it -- a fearsome crashing noise coming closer and closer through the undergrowth.**** * Not to be confused with knitwear, which is a different** thing entirely. ** Although possibly of similar mental acuity.*** *** Look it up. If I do everything for you, you will end up with the mental acuity of a Fair Isle Sweater. **** Not to be confused with underwear -- a fearsome noise coming from which would certainly be even more disturbing.

Once upon a time, there was a hedgehog named Muffin who lived in a hedge, which is where all hedgehogs should live. The hedge was at the edge of a field and the field was at the edge of the forest and the forest was at the edge of an island and the island was surrounded by the sea. Every morning when Muffin woke up, she ate three pancakes with maple syrup for breakfast and then went out to play.* * You may wonder how she got the pancakes and I'll tell you: they were delivered to her by post.** ** A post is a big stick that holds up a fence. There was a fence near the hedge that had a fence post and that is where Muffin got her pancakes.*** *** You may also wonder why Muffin ate pancakes if her name was Muffin, but I think that is quite enough about breakfast.

But still -- very faintly -- Muffin could hear the sea calling her.* Muffin longed to see the sea, so she gathered up her courage and headed down the path that led straight into the dark forest. * It was faint because it was a long-distance call made on a cellphone, which at the ocean is called a shellphone.

The sea was more beautiful than even the most beautiful of Muffin's dreams. There was not only the sight of it, but also the sound and the smell and the feeling that the wide sea went on forever and that somewhere in it were worlds beyond worlds and dreams beyond imagining. Muffin gazed at it for a long time. Night fell and the stars came out. Muffin had never seen them so bright. Finally, though, she felt the time had come to go back to her home. "The hedgerow has its beauty, too," she said. So she breathed in one last breath of salty air and turned to go back through the forest.* * Do you wonder how she made it back past the Crashing Boar and the Badgerer and the Rutabagas? Well, the Crashing Boar was busy writing the story of its life and the Badgerer was busy supervising it and reminding it to get more paper and fresh ink and to keep its lines straight. The Rutabagas were all just then resting comfortably in the dark.

Muffin recognized the terrible Badgerer by the doleful* noise it made. "Have you cleaned up your room?" the Badgerer asked. "Washed your socks? Brushed your teeth? Cleaned your ears? Swept the floor? Done your taxes?" "Stop!" said Muffin, holding up her paw. "I am on my way to see the sea. I will never get there if I do all of those other things first." The Badgerer sighed. * Doleful means that you have eaten a lot of pineapple.

She came to a farmhouse right at the edge of the forest. Muffin called out, "I am going to the sea -- would anyone here care to go along with me?" "You can't do that," said a patch of rutabagas growing in the kitchen garden. "You are far too little to go by yourself and we are far too busy to take you." "What are you busy doing?" asked Muffin. "You are too immature to understand," said the rutabagas. Then the farmer came to take them indoors for dinner, where they would be very special guests.* * Rutabaga Soup: Sauté one onion and one chopped clove of garlic in olive oil in a large pot. When onion is soft, add one cup sliced andouille sausage along with one teaspoon ground rosemary or sage, two bay leaves, two teaspoons salt, and one half-teaspoon white pepper. Cook while stirring for three minutes. Add five peeled and chopped rutabagas and enough chicken broth to cover the vegetables. Simmer until vegetables are tender. Add one tablespoon lemon juice. Serve.

"This is all very concerning," said the Badgerer. "I have many concerns -- not only about your socks and your taxes. I am also concerned that if you go further into the forest, you will encounter the dreadful, terrible, completely awful Crashing Boar.* Are you prepared for that? I have a list of questions to ask..." But Muffin didn't stay. While the Badgerer was rummaging around in its pockets** for the list, Muffin slipped off down the path. * A boar is a wild pig, to say the least. ** This took much longer than expected because, as it turned out, the Badgerer had left its pockets in its other kangaroo.

Along with the sound of breaking branches, this is what Muffin heard: "... so then I said really the most clever and interesting thing! I'm sure you will want to know how I came up with this breezy* little bon mot** -- the thought processes are very interesting! Let me start back at the beginning -- a couple of months ago..." Suddenly the Crashing Boar burst out of the thicket onto the path right in front of Muffin. * full of hot air ** A bon mot is a brief*** jocular**** remark. *** Briefs are men's underwear. **** So are joculars.

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